INDEPENDENT NEWS

The Secret Alliance With Labour is Over

Published: Fri 22 Jul 2005 11:08 AM
Mana McGillicuddy
A Pressing Release for Immediate Publication
The triennial convention of the real McGillicuddy Serious Party was held this weekend at a secret location under the protection of the elite forces of the NZ Army’s bridge building corp.
Thane Norman Fakeninja was nominated to stand for Parliament after out going candidate, his Empirical Sphericalness the Thane of Wheel- forgot his shoe size and turned up in flip-flops to address the clan.
His Sphericalness apologized for risking odium on the podium by exposing the only serious party in New Zealand to ridicule from the enormous catalogue of Australia v Kiwi jandal jokes.
The army also expressed concern that inappropriate footwear could pose a threat given the hordes of angry bees mysteriously in pursuit of their commander Major Panic.
Thane Norman thanked His Sphericalness for the secret alliance with the New Zealand Labour Party which has led to the subtle implementation of McGillcuddy policies of regression & funism. The Thane said“this alliance with Labour has seen , our policies realized in the form of Hip Hop Tours to Disneyland, Porn on Police computers to alleviate boredom whilst waiting for taxis and the appointment of Judges according to shoe size.”
However recent environmental issues have led to a change in allegiance after experts identified cow crap as responsible for destroying the North Island Lakes.” Wellington harbour is also at serious risk from large quantities of agro - cultural effluent that has spewed unchecked into the harbour for many years. The source of this bullshit has been identified as an illegal beehive in the center of the City, which appears to violate biosecurity regulations about the management of foul brood.
Major Panic offered to construct a bailey bridge under the beehive but his suggestion was rejected because of insufficient supplies of dodgy Oregon. The proposal eventually adopted by unanimous resolution -calls for the beehive to be encased in paper mache.
To halt the affluent effluent effectively, efficiently and expeditiously, harmless jargon generators will be installed to replace MP’s and a 12 ft thick dome will be constructed of paper mache to cover the structure.
To achieve this goal, the people of New Zealand have been called upon to participate in the “Calloused Hands Across New Zealand campaign. Citizens are being urged to take advantage of the free postage to their MP and send all unwanted bits of paper to Wellington to help save our Harbour.- July 18 2005.
ENDS

Next in New Zealand politics

On The Ethics (and Some Of The Economics) Of Lifting The Lockdown
By: Gordon Campbell
On Going To Level Four (and Scrapping The Olympics) Right Now
By: Gordon Campbell
Cabinet Approves Business Continuity Package In Response To COVID-19
By: New Zealand Government
Statement From Police Commissioner Mike Bush Following Guilty Pleas In Operation Deans Prosecution
By: New Zealand Police
Record transport investment in Draft GPS 2021
By: New Zealand Government
On The Loss Of Abortion Safe Zones
By: Gordon Campbell
On The Oil Price Smackdown, And On National’s Fatuous Crusade Against Red Tape
By: Gordon Campbell
Predator Free 2050 Strategy - Expert Reaction
By: Science Media Centre
On Buying Ventilators, And Expanding The Testing For Covid-19
By: Gordon Campbell
Advance payments to support contractors
By: New Zealand Government
Auckland Council Welcomes Package To Stimulate Economic Recovery
By: Auckland Council
Infrastructure Sector Sees 30 Percent Less Jobs
By: Infrastructure NZ
COVID-19 And The Fundamentals Of Living On A Timed Borrow
By: Nikko AM
Fixing Wellington’s Infrastructure Deficit Should Be Top Of Government’s To-do List
By: Business Central
Nation Steps Up To COVID-19 Alert Level 2
By: New Zealand Government
View as: DESKTOP | MOBILEWe're in BETA! Send Feedback © Scoop Media