INDEPENDENT NEWS

Scoop Satire: Ellen Tuff Honorary Award

Published: Thu 16 Aug 2001 09:04 AM
EDITORS NOTE: Scoop has commenced publication of satirical articles from the Babylon Express newspaper. Those easily offended and not often amused should avoid this content. See authors note at the end of this article for more information about the Babylon Express.
Ellen Tuff Recieves Honorary Award
Writer Ellen Tuff recieved the prestigious 'Pakeha's Best Friend' award at the annual New Zeal Inc Redneck's society dinner last night.
Chairman Herbert Cretin said in his introduction that Tuff had "done more to confirm what we've always suspected about Marreys than any so-called 'Packeyha' could have hoped to. That is why I have no hesitation in saying that we at the God Defend New Zeal Inc Rednecks Society feel unanimously that Ellen Tuff is the best damn Marrey that this country has yet assimilated."
Mr Tuff, best known for his witty and insightful newspaper columns, accepted his award and thanked Mr Cretin saying "Don't anybody ever call me a wimp - see, I've been there, I've done my time; but I grew up, got smart, yeah - and I'll still deck anybody who calls me a wimp.
“You know the problem with this country? It's full of losers. Marrey losers. Why can't they all be winners like me you ask? No self-esteem, that's why. Punks. Hey you - where's my cheque? I do get money with this don't I?"
- The Babylon Express is a satirical newspaper published randomly in Wellington. Copies are so far only available in local shops whose proprietors haven't got sticks up their arses. Those interested in acquiring previous or upcoming copies should contact the editor at bexpress69@hotmail.com. Contributions and suggestions are always very welcome. Cheers.

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