Parenting in an Age of Terror
What impact does news of war and terrorism have on children?
Does seeing the wreckage of downed airliners, missiles flying and gunfire in the streets affect them? What do we tell
them? It is unlikely children are actually going to be touched by war or terrorist attacks in New Zealand but our
children could become frightened and upset.
Do not assume children will take the same information as adults from a news broadcast. “I was in an intermediate school
on the morning of the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington,” recalls John Cowan from The Parenting Place. “The
children had witnessed thousands of lives snuffed out while they ate their breakfast. Those events were so monstrous
that even adult brains were wheel-spinning, and so it is understandable that their immature interpretations of the
events were bizarre. There was lot of excitement. ‘We’re going to be in a war!’ One girl ran around the playground
asking people (including myself) which country we were from, presumably to sort out friend from foe. Another child’s
incomplete geography added to her fear: she mistook ‘Washington’ for ‘Wellington’. As the days wore on, and the TVs kept
showing the images of destruction over and over, I heard from several parents that their children became worried and
anxious, especially at night.”
Cowan urges parents to add their grown-up perspective. “Childish imagination fills the gaps between real facts. It needs
more than just the children sharing their views in a classroom forum, it really needs an adult to overlay the true
significance and meaning. Talk to your kids and ask what they are afraid of. Their fears might be wildly amplified
beyond real risks. Be honest with them about the safety of where you live. The truth might be very reassuring”.
He also advocates limiting exposure to graphic images and descriptions in the news.
“When they are watching with you, add your commentary. Teach them that the news loves to show hot-headed people, but
that there are cool-headed people as well. After significant events, the news will always screen interviews with people
expressing extreme views – often calling for blood and vengeance. Not every view is true, not every dire prediction
comes to pass. Teach them to filter and interpret news.”
News footage can look very much like the graphics of an exciting movie or video game, but they are real people being
killed and hurt. “We do not want them afraid, but we do not want them uncaring, either”, says Cowan. “It might be a long
way away and happening to people unlike us, but they should sense our own sober concern and compassion.”
If your children experience sleep loss, nightmares, loss of appetite or changes in behaviour that lasts more than two
weeks, you should seek professional help from a doctor or counsellor.
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