One admirable thing about New Zealanders is that if we blunder into the bush in bad weather without proper food, clothing or a locator beacon, dozens of volunteers will still selflessly go in and do their best to bring us back alive. Ditto if we are a brainless couple who drove into Iran despite all the warnings against doing so. Regardless, the government and our MFAT bureaucrats will still work tirelessly to get us out ASAP, safe and sound. Topher Richwhite and Bridget Thackwray may be bozos, but they’re our bozos.

And when our politicians and diplomats finally succeed even though diplomats from other countries have failed to move the Iranian authorities, what is their reward? They get accused by the likes of Greens MP Golriz Ghahraman (and the media) of cravenly tempering their criticism of the regime, even if this was the only to ensure this couple didn’t languish in an Iranian jail for years, as other unfortunates – from the UK, from Australia - have done. As if New Zealand sounding a bit more strident in its diplomatic utterances was more important than the lives and liberty of the people involved.

Evidently, an exercise in virtue signalling – see how solidly I stand with the protesters of Iran! – is more important to some people than saving a couple of fellow New Zealanders from the consequences of their own stupidity. Ultimately, this wasn’t rocket science. The Ardern government (and MFAT) concluded that it was never going to be a good idea for New Zealand to impose targeted sanctions on the same Iranian leaders that we were simultaneously beseeching to show mercy towards a couple of our citizens. Even Topher Richwhite could probably grasp the logic involved.

Besides… What exactly did New Zealand fail to do? In recent years, New Zealand has signed up to all the international array of economic sanctions against Iran, even though they were designed to make the lives of ordinary Iranians as miserable as possible. These included the sanctions imposed by Donald Trump after the US welshed on the 2016 international deal to prevent nuclear proliferation, which Iran had honoured in all respects. Under US pressure, New Zealand even scrapped our burgeoning $100 million plus beef trade with Iran. The charge of being “soft on Iran” is simply ridiculous.

Selective Moralising

Along the way we have denounced human rights abuses in Iran – which are horrendous – while muting our criticism of the similarly ghastly human rights abuses being practiced in Saudi Arabia and China. (With similarly selective morality, we have abhorred the occupation of Ukraine, while all but ignoring Israel’s occupation of Palestine and its ongoing oppression of the Palestinian people.) More to the point, our support for punitive sanctions against Iran have helped drive ordinary Iranians to the desperation that’s currently costing the lives of many of them.

In any case, what did Ghahraman want us to do? Judging by this press release, she wanted New Zealand to have (already) imposed sanctions on leading members of the regime, and to have designated the Iranian Revolutionary Guards ( IRGC) as a terrorist entity. On that latter point, neither the United Nations nor the EU have designated the Guards as a terrorist entity. The IRGC happens to comprise the entire Iranian armed forces, the Quds elite force, and the basij militia responsible for the death of Mahsa Amini. It also plays a dominant role in the economy of Iran.

Until very, very recently, only the US, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Israel had designated the IRGC as a terrorist entity. That would be odd company for the Green Party to be keeping. (BTW, Iran responded by designating the CIA as a terrorist organisation.) Earlier this month, Canada chose to join that club, and Australia is reportedly considering doing so as well. Chances are, we will now do likewise, now that our two social influencers have been liberated.

On 7 October, the Canadian government expanded the sanctions, banning 10,000 members of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps from entering the country permanently, which represents the top 50% of the organization's leadership. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau added that Canada plans to expand the sanctions against those most responsible for Iran's "egregious behaviour". Canadian Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland added that Iran was a "state sponsor of terror", and that "it is oppressive, theocratic and misogynist; The IRGC leadership are terrorists, the IRGC is a terrorist organization."

Right. Well… If being “oppressive, theocratic and misogynist” are the hallmarks of terrorism, then Iran’s regime – for all of its horrific features – is in the exact same boat as the kingdom of Saudi Arabia. As for being a “state sponsor of terror” let us not forget Saudi Arabia’s role in bankrolling Islamic State and al Qaeda, in providing the bulk of the 9/11 terrorists, in murdering Jamal Khashoggi, in crushing the democracy movement in Bahrain, and in fuelling the humanitarian tragedy in Yemen. What’s good for the goose etc...

By Canada’s logic then, shouldn’t we be targeting sanctions against Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, and designating the House of Saud as a terrorist organisation? In sum, there’s selective moralising and lashings of political opportunism at work here. Odd to find the Green Party advocating that New Zealand should join in.

Populist posturing

What makes this round of moral posturing over Iran particularly repulsive is that if the Western democracies had kept to their side of the 2016 nuclear deal and expanded their trade with Iran, the relatively liberal regime of Hassan Rouhani would have had a chance of survival. Instead, the breaking of that deal and the imposition of harsh sanctions played right into the hands of the religious conservatives and the IRGC leadership, who had warned all along that the West could not be trusted to keep its side of the nuclear bargain. The outcome of the subsequent sanctions? The living standards of ordinary Iranians have plummeted.

So now… We get to cry crocodile tears over the desperate outcomes to which ordinary Iranians have been driven, and which are now being played out so murderously on the streets of Iran. While from the safety of the sidelines we call for even tougher sanctions as a sign of our solidarity with their plight. Yeah right.

Social influencers

It is almost a cruel notion to think that bad things might ever happen to social influencers. That’s not meant to be the point of their pointless existence. They’re supposed to be exempt from pain, discomfort, hunger, dirt, wrinkles and bad hair days, while we gaze at them yearningly from our workaday prisons, full of envy and admiration at their sexy awesomeness. Savvy sponsors sense that yearning and shower the influencers with the bling and the brands that the plebs will then (hopefully) go out and buy.

It is a privileged plane of existence, or is meant to be. (Topher’s surname is a joke on the genre.) To be good at it, influencers have to sincerely believe in their own entitlement. This is what enabled Topher and Bridget to think it would be cool to save the Earth or something by flying to Vancouver to pick up a Wrangler Jeep and drive it across 90 countries to inspire the drab and dull Joes and Janes of the world to recycle and save the planet from climate change, or something.

Sure, Topher and Bridget may have asked for advice as to whether it was safe to enter Iran, and when told “No” they went in there anyway. Because it would be a “disaster” quote, unquote, if they didn’t. And anyway Iran has a kind of cool frisson of badness, right? But not barbaric creepy where you might end up like, dead. The mullahs would be all in black and grim and no fun and lurking while Topher and Bridget did their thing i.e. by looking young and cool with the carpets and the mosques and then showing their bling to the kids in Teheran. They’d be bringing people together by helping them look good, and feel awesome. Despite being in Iran. Which is beautiful and the people – they’re just people, right? – were cool. Despite being in like, Iran.

Judging by the postings on their Instagram account, that was how things were meant to be on the Iran phase of the Topher/Bridget global drive-by. Yet as we now know, the movie didn’t quite turn out that way. Their Wrangler Jeep happened to be on a sanctions list. Because when the US imposed sanctions on Iran and its exports, Iran imposed counter sanctions on the US and its exports. This, as Topher Richwhite said on one of his Instagram posts, was a“complex” thing for him to grasp.

Well, now he knows. Treat people like shit, and you may get caught in a shitstorm. Hey, it's been a learning curve for all of us.

Footnote One: For those slamming the government for tempering its statements on Iran while negotiating the release… Let's consider the counter-factual. Imagine the government (and MFAT) had put targeted sanctions in place against half the regime’s leadership while still trying to secure their release. Almost certainly, Topher and Bridget would have then ended up in Iran’s notorious Evin prison for years, without Instagram. How idiotic the government and MFAT were to impose those sanctions at that exact time, the media would have scoffed.

Footnote Two: Topher’s Dad of course, is David Richwhite. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, David Richwhite and his business partner Michael Fay played a key role in brokering the sales into private hands of many vital New Zealand assets (the BNZ, Telecom, the rail system) that had been created and built up by previous generations. The country has never recovered.

While Fay Richwhite’s leaders were never found criminally liable for insider trading (over the TranzRail deal) or for the company’s role in the Magnum tax dodge central to the Winebox inquiry, a residual stench lingers around the Richwhite name. Ironic then, that a subsequent Labour government should have had to exert itself to rescue another Richwhite from the fallout from his own entirely avoidable actions. If there’s a curse on the Richwhite family name, its one that this country has to bear from one decade to the next, like, forever.

African Nashville

Talking of awesome, this recent Twitter thread contains some jaw dropping examples of the crossover popularity that old school Nashville country music enjoys in some parts of Africa. For their part in that story, Olvido Records have recently released a killer sampler of African musicians called Bulawayo Blue Yodel that incorporates c&w mannerisms (eg yodelling) into Zimbabwean music traditions.

Without the yodelling, here are a couple of joy-filled tracks from 1954 by the great Zinbabwean guitarist and singer, George Sibanda.

Even better, here’s Sibanda’s signature tune “Guabi Guabi” Reportedly, it’s a song about showing off to impress the ladies…

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