For those of you who weren't paying attention: 2011 in satire, editorial images and coverage of some of the less
official kind of news.
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DECEMBER 2010
January: Tax working groups suggests moving the nation away from wild-consumer-spending consumption, towards
Edwardian-waif-dying-picturesquely-while-coughing-up-bloody-mucus consumption. Amid rumours Attorney-General Chris
Finlayson seems ‘a bit down’, National MPs begin planning bills he can issue damning Bill of Rights reports against.
That always perks him up.
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JANUARY
We were waiting a while for John Key to hold a press conference on the Pike River announcement, so we got bored and made
up our own.
KEY: Hullo!
PRESS: Has your Government had anything to do with the decision to cease the rescue operation?
K: Yeah, nah.
P: You do understand that the families would like to bury their loved ones?
K: Of course I do. And it's been hard for us too. There's tonnes and tonnes of coal trapped down there. Gerry's been
distraught.
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FEBRUARY
In a move that has already provoked controversy, John Key has been awarded the 2011 Walters Prize for his work “Prime
Minister of New Zealand”. Political performance art is usually frowned on by the establishment and some have claimed the
award was based solely on public popularity.
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Cover image for Werewolf 20 - Ten Myths About Welfare.
A variation on an old image.
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See also 2011 Sevens Costumes: Part II, 2011 Sevens Costumes Photos: Part III, 2011 Wellington Sevens Costumes: Part IV
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MARCH
Am I the only one with this frame of mind? The one that treats a statement like “there’s nothing funny about the
earthquake” as a challenge to my capacity for irreverence?
After the misfiring of the ACT Party's attempt to delay the Marine and Coastal Area (Takutai Moana) Bill by extending
question time, it seems fair that Scoop should share some notes on a previous effort.
During the committee stage of the bill, ACT MP Hilary Calvert proposed an intimidating list of amendments with the
claimed intent to "to better reflect the intent of the Bill" (rather than, for example to delay it).
The majority of them were 119 proposed additions to clause 52, which relates to the treatment of stranded marine
mammals. Each amendment sought to introduce, as subclause (1A), a specific reference to a different kind of whale,
dolphin, seal, manatee or what have you.
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From NZDF photo
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I didn't draw the picture, but here it is anyway.
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APRIL
Earlier in the year, when asked what he really thought about something, Prime Minister John Key said, “I’m leaving it
until my book. I know the answer, but just wait until my book.” After an unprecedented two-and-a-half month
investigation, Werewolf can now reveal he was talking about this…
I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
And he’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares.
He was a shonky John Key.
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Unused for the above: 'clearly lucky'.
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MAY
Close friends say they are worried for Labour Leader Phil Goff, who is increasingly disappointed that predictions the
world would end last weekend did not come true.
The destruction of the universe was widely considered Labour’s best chance of winning this year’s general election.
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JUNE
Once there was a mighty Prince who was extremely mindful of his own mortality. He decided to ensure his legacy by having
a child. Yet, having married, he realised that if he died and left his wife with a baby, she might end up on the DPB. So
to spare her that widely-recognised dishonour, he immediately had her executed.
Much to the distress of the court, he repeated this pattern several times. Finally a wise young woman, the Grand
Vizier’s daughter, agreed to marry the prince. And she distracted him from his brooding by telling him stories.
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Ditto
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Special bonus Max-Key-Planking pic.
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JULY
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Bonus pic: Don Brash meets Sad Keanu
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AUGUST
Sometimes I think, if I should chance to be
crushed by a falling lump of masonry
my motives may be viewed suspiciously
due to, upon me, the discovery
of passports (between zero and twenty);
not one but two notebooks – and fully three
assorted pencils! – worse, they see
notes made in light verse (not quite poetry)
on current political policy.
Perhaps I’ll be on the TV.
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Wellington.Scoop: Wellington hit by morning and afternoon snowfalls (First two photos are mine.)
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SEPTEMBER
DAY ONE The minister has tasked me with investigating the state of workplace safety in New Zealand. After that she went back to
the departmental budget – as I left I heard her telling someone there was a recession on and there was no money for new
carpets or filing cabinets or air conditioning and there were people in Christchurch who would be grateful to have
carpets at all.
First priority: background. Examined the departmental statistics.
We have, actually, been known to prosecute employers. Not sure how to feel about this, officially. One might consider it
to be Doing Our Jobs, but there is also the need to balance this with letting employers, who are the lifeblood of our
economy, do whatever they like. This is called Ease Of Doing Business.
I stopped in to see how the inspectorate was going. He said he was fine.
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OCTOBER
“I took ship from Bremerhaven, as you know, with a fair wind and a bold heart, but lady luck was soon to change her
face. On the third day there arose a storm of unimaginable size – the waves were as high as houses, then as high as
mountains; strange howlings came from the ocean; passing whales begged to be allowed on board as on that night the sea
was no place for a creature of God; and I personally was struck by lightning three times...
“I don’t know if you’ve ever been trapped under several fathoms of water, struggling to escape and deprived of oxygen,
as you face your apparently inevitable expiration knowing that no matter what convulsions you go through or how loudly
you shout no living soul will know or care. It’s uncomfortably like being Phil Goff."
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An unfinished ACT election policy section has been published on their website. Instead of policy descriptions the pages
at http://www.act.org.nz/policies were filled with a mixture of latin words and name of kinds of meat...
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NOVEMBER
[JOHN 1 and JOHN 2 enter a cafe, bow to each other, and sit in facing seats at a cafe table.]
WAITER: Can I help you?
JOHN 1: I would like a Symbolic Cup Of Tea.
JOHN 2: I too would like a Symbolic Cup Of Tea.
[Waiter bows. Waiter opens a cupboard and removes a Key Ring. Waiter unlocks a Safe which contains a small Gong. Waiter
places Gong beside Espresso Machine and Strikes the Gong once.]
[Camera flash.]
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Adapted from TVNZ Images: Minor Party Leaders Debate
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DECEMBER
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