2011 in Lyndon Hoods: Satire, Pics, and News in Review

Published: Tue 10 Jan 2012 01:02 PM
For those of you who weren't paying attention: 2011 in satire, editorial images and coverage of some of the less official kind of news.
2010 In Revue
January: Tax working groups suggests moving the nation away from wild-consumer-spending consumption, towards Edwardian-waif-dying-picturesquely-while-coughing-up-bloody-mucus consumption. Amid rumours Attorney-General Chris Finlayson seems ‘a bit down’, National MPs begin planning bills he can issue damning Bill of Rights reports against. That always perks him up.
Sealing The Mine And Throwing Away The Key
We were waiting a while for John Key to hold a press conference on the Pike River announcement, so we got bored and made up our own.
KEY: Hullo!
PRESS: Has your Government had anything to do with the decision to cease the rescue operation?
K: Yeah, nah.
P: You do understand that the families would like to bury their loved ones?
K: Of course I do. And it's been hard for us too. There's tonnes and tonnes of coal trapped down there. Gerry's been distraught.
Coal Action Network slams lignite plans
“John Key PM” Wins 2011 Walters Prize For Modern Art
In a move that has already provoked controversy, John Key has been awarded the 2011 Walters Prize for his work “Prime Minister of New Zealand”. Political performance art is usually frowned on by the establishment and some have claimed the award was based solely on public popularity.

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Gordon Campbell: On Mubarak’s divide and rule tactics
Cover image for Werewolf 20 - Ten Myths About Welfare.
A variation on an old image.
Online advertising in NZ overtakes the $250m mark in 2010

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Paul Buchanan: Middle Eastern Transitions - A Skeptic's View

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Costumes On, Floats Ready – Sevens Parade Preshow Photos
See also 2011 Sevens Costumes: Part II, 2011 Sevens Costumes Photos: Part III, 2011 Wellington Sevens Costumes: Part IV

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Spotted in Wellington: Guerilla Sculpture?

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John Minto: What Right Has John Key To Lecture The Poor

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Meat 'gassing' - what are the facts?
Gordon Campbell: On the Welfare Working Group final report
You Have Been Mooned
Am I the only one with this frame of mind? The one that treats a statement like “there’s nothing funny about the earthquake” as a challenge to my capacity for irreverence?
Act Vs The Foreshore Bill: A Tale Of 119 Whales
After the misfiring of the ACT Party's attempt to delay the Marine and Coastal Area (Takutai Moana) Bill by extending question time, it seems fair that Scoop should share some notes on a previous effort.
During the committee stage of the bill, ACT MP Hilary Calvert proposed an intimidating list of amendments with the claimed intent to "to better reflect the intent of the Bill" (rather than, for example to delay it).
The majority of them were 119 proposed additions to clause 52, which relates to the treatment of stranded marine mammals. Each amendment sought to introduce, as subclause (1A), a specific reference to a different kind of whale, dolphin, seal, manatee or what have you.

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Scoop Images: Two Minute Silence At Civic Square
3/3/11: Statement from the Governor-General Regarding Earthquake - Change From Rescue To Recovery Focus
From NZDF photo
National Christchurch Memorial Service Info & Programme

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Christchurch hosting RWC 2011 games decision

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Werewolf: You Have Been Mooned
I didn't draw the picture, but here it is anyway.
Werewolf: Learning To Read The PM
Earlier in the year, when asked what he really thought about something, Prime Minister John Key said, “I’m leaving it until my book. I know the answer, but just wait until my book.” After an unprecedented two-and-a-half month investigation, Werewolf can now reveal he was talking about this…
I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
And he’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares.
He was a shonky John Key.
AMI Secures Capital Support

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Werewolf: Learning To Read The PM

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Unused for the above: 'clearly lucky'.
Canterbury Earthquake Recovery Bill Passes
PlayStation scam warning
Goff Disappointed As World Fails To End
Close friends say they are worried for Labour Leader Phil Goff, who is increasingly disappointed that predictions the world would end last weekend did not come true.
The destruction of the universe was widely considered Labour’s best chance of winning this year’s general election.
Gordon Campbell: On the alleged threats to John Key

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Werewolf: Funding The National Religion

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Werewolf : Goff Disappointed As World Fails To End
Werewolf: The Antipodean Nights’ Entertainments
Once there was a mighty Prince who was extremely mindful of his own mortality. He decided to ensure his legacy by having a child. Yet, having married, he realised that if he died and left his wife with a baby, she might end up on the DPB. So to spare her that widely-recognised dishonour, he immediately had her executed.
Much to the distress of the court, he repeated this pattern several times. Finally a wise young woman, the Grand Vizier’s daughter, agreed to marry the prince. And she distracted him from his brooding by telling him stories.
2011 Broadcasting Allocation Decision Released
Intoxicated patients an increasing problem hospitals

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Meme Break: Vancouver Riot Kissing Couple v Max Key

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SkyCity seeks expanded gambling for convention centre deal
Hobbit Casting: Evangeline Lilly, Barry Humphries
Roger Douglas: Don’t Stop There Jim

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Werewolf: The Antipodean Nights’ Entertainments
Special bonus Max-Key-Planking pic.
Australia puts a price on carbon

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Tobacco Bullies Use Trade Agreements Against Public Health
Katene: New Zealand Security Intelligence Amendment Bill

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Bonus pic: Don Brash meets Sad Keanu
“Too little too late”- workers to Government sleepover offer

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Image: Crane Holds Civic Square Fern Ball
Sestina SIStina Barcelona
Sometimes I think, if I should chance to be
crushed by a falling lump of masonry
my motives may be viewed suspiciously
due to, upon me, the discovery
of passports (between zero and twenty);
not one but two notebooks – and fully three
assorted pencils! – worse, they see
notes made in light verse (not quite poetry)
on current political policy.
Perhaps I’ll be on the TV.
Werewolf: Sestina SIStina Barcelona
Shill bidding: Unlawful, unethical and dumb
Gordon Campbell: On the Government’s latest plans to Americanise the welfare system

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Wellington.Scoop: Wellington hit by morning and afternoon snowfalls (First two photos are mine.)
See also Wellington Snow Photos: Lower Hutt and Video: Wellington snow - Petone to Waterloo.
MAF/MFish merger to realise savings; front line secure
World Week Ahead: Perception sets the agenda
Deficit blows out to $18bn as EQC kitty falls $1.1bn short
The Inspector Protector
DAY ONE The minister has tasked me with investigating the state of workplace safety in New Zealand. After that she went back to the departmental budget – as I left I heard her telling someone there was a recession on and there was no money for new carpets or filing cabinets or air conditioning and there were people in Christchurch who would be grateful to have carpets at all.
First priority: background. Examined the departmental statistics.
We have, actually, been known to prosecute employers. Not sure how to feel about this, officially. One might consider it to be Doing Our Jobs, but there is also the need to balance this with letting employers, who are the lifeblood of our economy, do whatever they like. This is called Ease Of Doing Business.
I stopped in to see how the inspectorate was going. He said he was fine.
First Minister of Wales Impressed With Kiwi Business
Trade Me may look for offshore growth, Fairfax CEO says
Scoop Images: Wellington Hail in the CBD 13/9/11

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Gordon Campbell: On the Act Party’s latest policy contortions
Dining With The Baron
“I took ship from Bremerhaven, as you know, with a fair wind and a bold heart, but lady luck was soon to change her face. On the third day there arose a storm of unimaginable size – the waves were as high as houses, then as high as mountains; strange howlings came from the ocean; passing whales begged to be allowed on board as on that night the sea was no place for a creature of God; and I personally was struck by lightning three times...
“I don’t know if you’ve ever been trapped under several fathoms of water, struggling to escape and deprived of oxygen, as you face your apparently inevitable expiration knowing that no matter what convulsions you go through or how loudly you shout no living soul will know or care. It’s uncomfortably like being Phil Goff."

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Rubgy Ball Lodged On Civic Square Fern Ball
ACT Website Policy Pages: Bacon Goes With Everything!
An unfinished ACT election policy section has been published on their website. Instead of policy descriptions the pages at were filled with a mixture of latin words and name of kinds of meat...
Alternative court processes for child witnesses
England team member jumps from Devonport ferry, swims to wharf, warned by police
CPIT rugby research measures heartfelt response

For Werewolf 27: Why MMP Is Still The Best Option
Strange And Bizarre: Scoop Satire: A Tea Ceremony
[JOHN 1 and JOHN 2 enter a cafe, bow to each other, and sit in facing seats at a cafe table.]
WAITER: Can I help you?
JOHN 1: I would like a Symbolic Cup Of Tea.
JOHN 2: I too would like a Symbolic Cup Of Tea.
[Waiter bows. Waiter opens a cupboard and removes a Key Ring. Waiter unlocks a Safe which contains a small Gong. Waiter places Gong beside Espresso Machine and Strikes the Gong once.]
[Camera flash.]

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Satire: Vote Colonel Blimp For Welfare Reform
Adapted from TVNZ Images: Minor Party Leaders Debate

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Gordon Campbell: On some possible options for the Greens
Greens make a real NZ First

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Scoop Images: Saddleback Bird Of The Year Event
Scoop Satire: A Tea Ceremony
Gordon Campbell on the Banks/Key taping saga

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Gordon Campbell: On Epsom, and dodgy aspects of the asset sales programme

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Low-income voters election feedback
Gordon Campbell: On charter schools

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Gordon Campbell: On the coalition agreements
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