Can You Back-to-School Shop with $300?

Progressives and conservatives do agree on something! The US bailout has done nothing but anoint and embolden fat cat financiers to do it again. (How much does AIG's new CEO, Robert H. Benmosche, make? $7 million a year.)

Sure Americans are buying new cars, homes and furniture again. (deciding not to wait for jobs or health care).

But if the "mark to market" SIVs, CDOs and CDSs the money guys retained for a "better valuation" have sprung to life--explaining the "recovery"--isn’t it still a bubble?

Or am I missing something?

Our "healthy" economy is still predicated on buying things we don't need with money we don't have. Just listen to EZ mortgage ads which are back on the radio next to the Mercedes ads.

Remember the Recession of 2007-2008 (Sept-Aug)? We went weeks without $5.95 lattes and our gym membership almost lapsed. Whew. (see: Siege of Leningrad.)

Still, you gotta wear something so we decided to go back-to-school shopping with a $300 budget--about equal to our unemployment check.

Before we knew it, we'd blown a quarter of our budget on jeans which were $75 at Urban Outfitters, the Gap and the Levis Store! After we spent $39 for a translucent hot pink "burn" top we had a new problem. (Besides the fact that we'd now blown a third of our budget.)

Because the "burnout process varies from piece to piece," says the tag on our new top, some garments are "sheerer than others and have variations in shading within the same T-shirt. Expect fraying at the collar, and possibly small snags or runs. Fabric is very delicate. Handle with care."

Oops. Not only can you can see our bra through the burn shirt, you can see our suntan lines and holes from our last acupuncture session in 2007.

This also means the top is what? Not Warm since it is 58 degrees in Chicago and we will need a dual T shirt--that isn't "burned"--or better yet, a forest green, loose weave "boyfriend" cardigan for $54. We are too broke to make boyfriend jokes like who remembers them or see migratory birds.

Second problem--handle with care. Why? So the "fraying at the collar, and possibly small snags or runs," won't get worse and we won't sue the manufacturer because the defective garment we bought became more so? Only in America.

The last thing we hand washed was our Ziploc travel pouch because it had sunblock congealing on the inside.

Another problem is the textile workers no one wants to talk about. If the burnout process does this to cloth what does it do their streams, factories and lungs? What do rag wearing workers think of their job, industrially degrading perfectly good textiles so Westerners will wear them?

But back to high class problems. We love our new jeans and top but now need what? New underwear to go with our new low-cut, see-thru profile. Eureka! We find a "ta ta tamer" at Lululemon, the Yoga store--their term not ours--for $58 and a Lacey Luluthong for $12. With the burn top translucent and jeans sub-pubic, this can be defended as outerwear.

Let's duck into a boutique called Untitled which says it has everything reduced by 70 percent. We find an pink, English inspired car coat with a hood at almost $200. Is it too soon to think winter coat? Do these prices reflect the 70 percent discount we ask, hoping the coat is really $60. Yes they tell us. The only thing for $60 is a hobo bag. "Hobo"?

We only have $39 left in our budget and have no choice but to get on the Red Line, Chicago's mass transit, to the bus and head for the Village Outlet thrift store to satisfy our shopping jones. (Even if we owned a car and knew where one was, we wouldn't patronize Wal-Mart.)

Village Outlets are the closest to a bazaar or souk you can find in the city, jam backed with saris, hijabs and kurtas and with no English spoken. In addition to tops for ninety cents--arranged by color not size--pants for a $1.50 and winter coats for $5.00, you can find shoes and boots for $5.00 and prescription glasses for $2.00. (Don't laugh. At half a thousand dollars for new glasses, you find yourself trying them on to see if they're your correction!)

The Lakeview Village Outlet near Wrigley Field closed a few years ago so we take the Clark street bus to the one in the Hispanic neighborhood on the near North side though the bus is so slow, the bicyclists beat us and we have to stand most of the way.

But it is worth it. We find aqua colored Crocs in just our size--the thinking woman's galoshes--for $3, white, like-new sweatpant cut-offs that say "Pink" on them for running and/or lounging for $4 and an 80's glam, gold lame brocade, fitted, cuffed coat in perfection condition--which could be camp or serious depending on accessories--for $12.50. We were just looking at jewelry and electronic devices when we realized our transfer mode would expire on our transit card if we didn't hurry.

You pay $2.25 for your first bus or train trip on Chicago transit, 25 cents for your second trip and nothing for your third--IF it is in within two hours. But the slow boat to the Outlet store cost us an hour right there. If we have to pay another $2.25 for the bus ride home we will exceed our back to school budget. We confess we had a snack. Still we have one really good outfit to wear; an outfit for every day of the week, as the joke goes.

And how was your back-to-school shopping?

ENDS

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