Lyndon Hood: What Else Is In The Urgency Plan?

Published: Wed 10 Dec 2008 01:22 PM
What Else Is In The Urgency Plan?Satire by Lyndon Hood

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In a surprise reversal, the Government has unexpectedly included their 90-day probationary employment bill in their urgency plan.
Even as urgency commences, neither the public, nor opposition MPs, nor for that matter many Government MPs have any idea what other bills might appear or what is in the ones that have been announced.
Good news! The following draft has appeared on Scoop's desk.
So if you're hungry for democratic accountability, we hope it will keep you going in the meantime.
National Government First Hundred Days Programme
The Previously Unpublished Second Page
The Pass Our Whole Election Platform Under Urgency And Avoid All That Tedious Legislative Scrutiny Omnibus Bill all stages
The John Key Adorability (Perpetuation) Bill
The Sentencing (Special Auckland Islands Gulag For Winston Peters) Bill
The still-being-drafted Education Standards (Extreme Prejudice) Bill, to improve results by identifying underachieving students and efficiently eliminating them.
The Financial Reporting (Look, it really should have been Somebody's job to have told us about that ACC thing, and even if it wasn't, it would have been, y'know, nice. Thanks a bundle. Not.) Bill
Further to the ACT coalition agreement, a bill suspending the proposed Government response to the circularity of the Earth and establishing a select committee to investigate the question.
The Armed Forces (Never Mind South Seas Maritime Rescue Let's Have Them Build A Secret Island Lair For Wayne Mapp) Bill all stages
The Antarctic Whale Sanctuary (Covertly Arming Whales) Bill
The Energy Efficiency (Removing Standards At Random) Amendment Bill
Some sort of motion to improve Parliamentary standards and behaviour. Also, make the Queen's representative talk about a "decade of missed opportunities" a few more times. That was awesome.
The Speaking Of Which, Let's See Some Enthusiasm For The Governor-General When Reciting Speeches Prepared By Someone Else Bill
The Accient Compensation (Can Everyone Just Stop Having Accidents For A While) Bill
The Hidden Agenda (Pandering To Shadowy Right Wing Backers) Bill
The Economic Stimulus (Some Sort Of Retail-Based Holiday In Late December) Bill all stages.
The Purchasing More Monkeys And Typewriters (Possible Need For Quickly Drafted Legislation To Fill In Urgency Time) Bill all stages

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