Scoop Satire: God Considers Voting For New Christian Partyby Lyndon Hood
God, supreme being and creator of the universe in the Christian religion, today considered whether to give His vote to a
proposed New Zealand Christian political vehicle or continue to support a more established party.
"It kind of depends what they mean by 'Christian Values'," said a bemused Deity, "I mean, are we talking
washing-the-feet-of-prostitutes Christian values or turning-out-the-money-lenders Christian values or pillars-of-salt
Christian values or what?"
"It's like 'Supporting Families'. What are they going to do, make procreation mandatory? Maybe when you work out how to
apply Christian values to governing a state you end up with one or other of the parties that are already there."
The new party, formed by members of various denominations mostly too young too remember what a bad idea religious
government is, was announced amidst some confusion this week, with one co-leader apparently learning the identity of the
other through the media.
"What were they thinking?" asked Our Lord. "Of course, it's Me so I know what they were thinking, but - what were they thinking?"
"So... we've got the guy who said a party which he's deregistering would rule the country, and a guy who thinks selling
down State Owned Enterprises to pay for tax cuts is sustainable. I don't know if I should vote for them or have them
stoned to death as false prophets. 'Bishop' indeed."
Irrespecive of any merits the new party might have, God emphasised He did not want to waste His vote.
"So, they plan to get 5%? Or what, win Mangare with Taito Phillip Field?"
God would not rule out the required miracle but said he did not currently plan to intervene because of provisions in the
new Electoral Finance Bill.
The Almighty indicated he would also consider his vote wasted if the party, committed to supporting National, did not
have sufficient influence on policy. "Based on that Mr Copeland's behaviour so far, I'd say that's a possibility," God
said, "and what if I don't like National. Did they think of that?"
"I mean, it's not like I have a mortgage or anything," He added.
God's support has been critical to the success or failure of recent religious political campaigns. His disavowal of the
Exculsive Brethren, after their involvement in electioneering was made public, is widely believed to have cost National
the 2005 election.
"And I never voted for that Capill," God stated.
After some consideration God postponed His decision until he had spoken to Jesus, to get an opinion on Gordon Copeland's
statement that property rights are a Christian value.
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Other Voting News:Dominion Post considers running a poll on who everyone thinks their neighbours think they think will win the election.
When released, the results of this survey are expected to somehow be news.Ahmed Zauoi, now eligible for electoral roll, tentatively rejects idea of voting for New Zealand First.