Satire: Congress Authorizes Wire Tapping President

Tuesday, 7 August 2007, 11:04 am
Column: Michael Collins

Congress Authorizes Wire Tapping President

Blue Dog Dems and Senate Collaborators Pull a Fast One

For Bush, it’s all about the Homeland. Which one?
Creative Commons

Michael Collins
Washington, DC
Satire

Disliked President Wins Big?

In the latest stealth move by Congressional Democrats, a secret provision was inserted in the modified Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) cleared by the House and Senate this weekend just before the summer recess. Conceived by the House Blue Dog Democrats and their Senate collaborators, the plan resulted in an intelligence bill that authorizes wire tapping the phone and email of President Bush and key advisors.

The White House had no comment but the hand writing is on the wall.

President Bush has been in a tizzy the past week pressuring Democrats to modify the FISA legislation. He wanted and got expanded powers to tap phone, email, and other electronic transmissions for anyone thought to be involved with Al Qaeda. The New York Times covered comments by Silvestre Reyes (D-TX), Chairman of the House Intelligence committee that “the law could be construed as allowing any search inside the United States as long as the government claimed it concerned Al Qaeda.”

That’s pretty broad language, particularly when you consider that the Department of Justice will be deciding who goes on the list. But it also opens the door to electronic surveillance of George the decider Bush.

Ambush on Capitol Hill

And that’s the magic legislative language that opens the door to intense electronic surveillance of the president and his crew. For decades, the Bush family has had cordial business contact with wealthy Saudi Arabians including the prominent bin Laden family of hard to capture terrorist Osama bin Laden. The supporters are described in this U.S. Senate document showing Saudi Arabian support to Al Qaeda, even in Iraq. Bush family ties to Saudi Arabia are extensive. It is rumored but not confirmed that one of the bin Laden’s bailed the president out of his first of many business failures.

So there you have it. The bill passed leads directly to an authorization for the electronic surveillance of the president due to contacts that concerned Al Qaeda.

Blue Dogs and Senate Collaborators Win Big

Sparky, the Blue Dog Creative Commons

We spoke to a key Blue Dog Democrat known only as Sparky and asked him to justify his vote in light of Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s statement that the bill “does violence to the Constitution of the United States.” Sparky would have none of it: “We’re tired of the damn progressives and liberals acting like we don’t care about the Constitution. We’re people too, you know. We just do things differently.” Asked to elaborate, Sparky said “We can’t take Bush anymore, with his $500 billion deficits. This is the quickest way to get him – tap his damn emails. He can say he lost them but we’ll have backup, count on it.”

Their Senate collaborators couldn’t be reached. They were either on the campaign trail or at a special two week seminar in Davos, Switzerland hosted by Russian oil interests. The opening speaker is former Solicitor General of the U.S. Robert Bork. He will address the topic, The Bill of Rights, Antiquated or Over Rated?

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