My Conversation With President Bush

President Bush has been quietly inviting philosophers and theologians to the White House lately to discuss the ultimate questions of life. Having just returned from my probing conversation with The Decider, as he likes to be called, what follows is part of our enquiry.

The Philosopher: I am so very honored to be here in the Oval Office with you, Mr. President, to discuss the big questions of life. I gladly put a lifetime of philosophical investigation at your service as you delve into questions of good and evil, and why the world hates America and you so much. In the tradition of Aristotle tutoring Alexander the Great, let’s begin our enquiry.

The Decider: Our military could have whupped Alexander’s legions with one hand tied behind its back, but I take your meaning. In 2000 years, history will record the greatness of my Administration’s march into Iraq to bring liberty, democracy, and stability to the Middle East, and a sense of security to all the peoples of the world.

The Philosopher: Perhaps, Mr. President. Alexander’s army was a tad behind ours technologically though. Even so, there is no doubt that we have the strongest military machine in history. But tell me sir, do you think our military might is an extension of our righteousness as a nation, or is the righteousness of our nation inversely proportional to our military might?

The Decider: Don’t try to fool me with those fancy phrases. I know what ‘inversely proportional’ means. America is a great and good nation, and we face a determined enemy in al Qaeda that wants to destroy our God-given way of life.

The Philosopher: Slow down, Mr. President, and think this through. Are you saying the stateless network that sent 19 madmen with box cutters to bring down the Twin Towers is a threat to our way of life? I think we need to talk a bit about the nature of terrorism before your Administration goes off half-cocked.

The Decider: They kill men, women, and children with impunity. They thrive on chaos. And they believe as strongly in their ideology as I do in mine.

The Philosopher: Your “global war on terror” implicitly draws a moral equivalence between America and Al Qaeda. This isn’t a war at all, but a psychological struggle against an enemy that has nothing to offer people but hate. What do we have to fear from the terrorists but fear itself? Your war isn’t a fight against fear; rather, you use fear in order to realize your goals. Isn’t that just what a terrorist does?

The Decider: The global war on terror is the great test of our time, and Iraq is the main theatre of this war. We have to fight them there so we don’t have to fight them here.

The Philosopher: I thought that was a campaign slogan. You actually believe it?

The Decider: I certainly do. I am doing the Lord’s work, and am serene in God’s grace and guidance. Do you doubt it?

The Philosopher: I wrote a column a few months after the invasion of Iraq entitled, “They work for the devil and call him Jesus.” That sums up my feeling about your Administration, and which lord you actually serve.

The Decider: The great thing about this country is that you’re free to state your opinion. If this were Kenya under Moi, I would have you run down like a dog in the street for that remark.

The Philosopher: You’re running this country into the ground all right. It’s as though you want America to become like Kenya under Moi.

The Decider: I know what I’m doing, and history will judge me right. Long after we’re dead, I will be revered as a steadfast warrior for freedom--loyal to my God, my philosophy, and my friends to the bitter end.

The Philosopher: There are two kinds of stupidity, Mr. President. There’s the kind a person is born with, which limits him all his life. And there’s the kind that a person brings upon himself, through adherence to a philosophy and policy that evidence and reason prove wrongheaded and destructive. Contrary to popular opinion at home and abroad, you don’t have the first kind.

The Decider: Thank you for the compliment.

Martin LeFevre is a contemplative, and non-academic religious and political philosopher. He has been publishing in North America, Latin America, Africa, and Europe (and now New Zealand) for 20 years. Email: martinlefevre@sbcglobal.net. The author welcomes comments.

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