Communications Line Number 41 for 29 January 2007

Communications Line Number 41 for 29 January 2007

I have become a republican

It wasn’t a sudden conversion. In fact it sneaked up on me rather slowly and was prompted by two seemingly unrelated events, although both involve the royal family. The first was the parading of the latest piece of royal crumpet: Kate Middleton for the edification and titillation of Her Majesty’s loyal subjects. Nothing against her; she looks like a jolly nice young lady. But, and this is a big but, she’s not a royal.

So when the headline said “Will she be queen one day?”, my mind instinctively said no, not my queen. She’s a commoner, rich, polite, attractive, very suitable, no doubt, but still a commoner, and hence no claim to be any better than the rest of us. And the system wants me to bend the knee to her?. No thanks, politely but firmly, no thanks. Second, I saw the film The Queen. I don’t wish to discuss the merits of the film, or the failings of the family during those weeks after Diana’s death ten years ago, but I left the theatre saying, after Queenie goes, it’s Charles, and no, he’s doesn’t do it for me. Après Elizabeth, la république", to misquote Louis XIV.

When the Queen Mum died, several of our politicians opined that one more tie to Britain had been broken, one more reason to see ourselves as still a little bit English had gone. When the current Queen goes, we should be ready to sever our ties to the monarchy and appoint or elect our own head of state. Stay within the Commonwealth, but have our own people running all of our affairs.

What I did in the holidays

My wife and I drove to Gisborne and then around the East Cape and up to the Coromandel. Some quick observations:

* Prosperity runs out at Tolaga Bay and it hides away until Te Kaha on the Bay of Plenty side, although the houses and boats at Waihau Bay are lavish.

* Ruatoria looks like the town time forgot, although there is a petrol pump and the café is good.

* The best sausage roll was from the Rendezvous café in Opitiki – a nice mixture of mince and sausage meat, with some onion and carrot in a flaky pastry.

* The worst fish and chips were from Snapper Jack’s in Whitianga - a miserable sized piece of tarahiki in soggy batter which stuck to the paper cost $3.95 (chips extra) and it came wrapped in the Waikato Times.

* The Driving Creek Café outside Coromandel township features organic tofu burgers and rice and lentil burgers with mung beans and aioli – those extras are sure to make a great taste difference!

Bling bling glam bang

Sunday StarTimes columnist Rosemary McLeod climbed into model Sophie McMillan recently, labeling her an inhabitant of ‘Planet Crutch’ for her scantily clad appearance as a hitchhiker in a car ad for the Bling Bling Motor Company. The wording on the billboard said Drive Bling Bling Get Bang Bang. McLeod commented that “it’s taken 30 years for car advertising to come full circle, and be about scoring chicks again, and in one generation, young women have forgotten why that was ever an issue.”

I recall actress Jennifer Love Hewitt being quoted in a serious film mag that she wanted to be known as a “good actress and a serious babe”. To the generation of women who fought for equality in the 60s and 70s, the “serious babe” idea does not square with their feminism. However the values of the daughters of that generation are different. Low rider jeans, showing lots of skin, and public displays of sexuality are commonplace and don’t seem to attract criticism or even much comment.

Jews in Congress

The Washington Post reported recently that Jewish membership in Congress was at an all-time high. It is interesting comment on the religious politics of the United States that this is considered newsworthy. Of the 43 Jewish members of Congress 39 are Democrats which seemingly contradicts the conspiracy notion that neo-conservatism (a la Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz and the invasion of Iraq) is really a Jewish plot to support Israel.

The story in the Washington Post continues. “About 2 percent of Americans identify themselves as Jewish. But in Congress, the proportion of Jewish members is now four times that,” the paper says. There are 30 Jewish members in the House members and another 13 in the Senate. There is one Muslim, and the Senate Majority Leader Harry M. Reid is a Mormon. It reports that “Catholics remain the largest single faith group in Congress, at about 30 percent -- slightly larger than their proportion of the U.S. population. Baptists, Methodists and Presbyterians outnumber Jewish members, who outnumber Episcopalians.”

And here’s the interesting political bit. “The Republican Party has sunk millions into wooing the Jewish vote, but Jewish voters, traditionally Democratic, have moved ever further from the Republicans in recent years. In the midterm elections, nearly 90 percent of Jewish voters voted Democratic, according to exit polls, one of the largest proportions in history. Pollsters say the Republicans failed to counter Jewish voters' opposition to their stands on issues such as reproductive rights, stem cell research and the Iraq war. And then there's the Republican Party platform in President Bush's home state of Texas, which has declared the United States to be a Christian nation,” the paper reported. Pat Plunket “shed light matey”

Journalism lost one of its characters with the death of Pat Plunket last month.

The job of a journalist was to “shed light”, he said. He meant that the journalist should tell as much as possible of the story as could reasonably be verified in the circumstances and in the time available. If it wasn’t possible to tell all the story at one time, “tell as much as you can matey”. Shining a light where some interests didn’t want it shone would bring a reaction, and result in more coverage.

Publicity would bring out more facts over time. That approach rather than the “shock horror, scope, probe” school of exposé journalism (which he reviled) served the public better, he believed. He was my boss in the Radio New Zealand newsroom, and again at TVNZ, A good reporter, he said, would keep on chipping away at the rocks of silence, deceit, delay and obfuscation behind which many of our public figures and institutions hide when they feel their interests are threatened by inquiring media.

Much ado about a T Shirt

Qantas has refused carriage to a passenger who was wearing a T Shirt labeling President Bush the world’s number one terrorist. A spokesman says the reason was that “comments with the potential to offend other customers…will not be tolerated.”

Really? What about the Australian accent? What about the endless claims of the superiority of Australians in all forms of sport, culture, living standards and life generally? What about the other passengers – the fat ones, the ugly ones, the smelly ones, the ones who make too much noise and have kids called Jaysen and Kylie, Madison and Cézanne who run up and down the aisles and scream if there’s no enough ice in the raspberry cokes or who can’t get the game they want on the console. We haven’t even got to the food which is not hot enough, or the wine which is too warm and the beer that isn’t cold enough. Gosh I’ve been offended so much I wish I’d stayed home.

Travel long distance in economy class on any airline, and you’ll find plenty to be offended about. Some jerk making a political statement on a T shirt will be least of your concerns. Get over it QANTAS. And stop being the thought police.

Political language.

Commenting on the Whangamata Marina decision before Christmas Helen Clark used an interesting phrase which illustrates the power of language to frame issues. She referred to those who wish to “change the landscape”. Without arguing the merits of the marina, or of the operations of the Resource Management Act, her choice of words reflects some inherent assumptions about development.

The import is that people who wish to change things carry the burden of proving that their “alterations” will benefit the community or at least not damage the environment. In this respect, her comment contains political or ideological content. It is not a neutral statement; rather it is intended to allow the reader or listener to infer her opposition to, or at least a lack of enthusiasm for, such developments. And it also stops well short of committing her to doing anything about them.

Funny English

On the All Blacks website it is announced that Flavell will “take the reigns for the Blues Rugby team” this season. He may be in charge, but I don’t think that even he thinks that he reigns.

In Whitianga there is a road sign which says “South Motorway - no exit.” (Go figure that one.)

On the radio there is an advertisement for a car yard which promises that “if they don’t have the car you want to buy, they won’t sell you one.” They’ve got a real point of difference there.

On day one of the fourth cricket test at Melbourne some patrons waved a banner saying “Were wanting Ricky Ponting”. Given the way he is playing no doubt they still do want him, but an apostrophe would have helped convey their intended meaning better.

The Mercury Bay Hire Centre in Whitianga advises that it is “now open all days except statutory holidays, including tractor shop.” Which day of the week is called ‘tractor shop’?

However at the Coghill café (probably the best in Whitianga) the staff wear T shirts stating “coffee so fresh you’ll want to slap it”.

On my travels I spotted lots of ‘panini’s’ for sale and at one café in Wellington you can get mescalin salad (I doubt it somehow), which accompanies a lean beef patty with onions and tomato’s. This place also offered the “chefs daily special”.

The Waikato Times ran an article a while ago about a 'centurion' living in a retirement home in Hamilton. According to the article, there are a number of centurions in the Waikato. A centurion was the commander of a hundred men in the Roman Army, so that would make these people at least fifteen hundred years old. Must be the healthy climate. I think the right word is ‘centenarian.’

Branson PR drives down airfares.

Richard Branson breezes into Christchurch, gets wet in the Avon, gets his photo in the paper with two damp damsels on his arm. He talks enthusiastically but without any commitment whatsoever about starting a domestic airline and within days Air NZ has a new fare package that the industry says is designed to keep him out. Pacific Blue has had ample opportunity to start domestic services if it were really interested, and it hasn’t. Branson still isn’t promising to start a service but his utterances have the power to move fares. Wow!

Lily Allen – digital superstar

A Reuter/Billboard story proclaims Allen as the United Kingdom's first natural-born digital superstar. She has become the poster girl for social networking sites in the United Kingdom. Her album Alright, Still has gone platinum on the back of an innovative digital campaign, and she opens an American tour next week. The internet has made the difference and that is why I am interested in her.

"I'd do songs, put them straight up (on MySpace) and if people liked them they went on the album," Allen said. "The record company didn't think my musical direction was right at all until I set up the site." In fact, the album's snapshot of British urban life stands as a rare pop record to attract heavyweight critical acclaim and across-the-board sales appeal. While Allen's ska and reggae influences attract older consumers, the UK marketing campaign focused on youth, with many digital firsts clocked up since the July 2006 release, including ground-breaking tie-ins with MSN and online media player Nabbr.

"(But) the core of the whole digital campaign has been Lily's blog," Parlophone digital media manager Dan Duncombe said. "That's what's created the interest and brought people back." "I spend two to three hours a day on MySpace and in my website forums chatting," Allen said.

"Fans need to have some emotional connection with an artist. Her single Smile is #1 in the UK. " MTV is so enthusiastic that it has created five 30-second "vignettes" featuring Allen's music and views on a variety of topics -- from body image to boys -- which are airing throughout January on mtvU and MTV and which are available online. Allen also will star on the first MTV Discover and Download Live tour in February.

A final word on music

If pop music was just about a catchy melody and good musicianship, says Andy Slater, President/CEO of Capitol Records, then Toto would have been the biggest band in the world. "But it's not. It's about sex, rebellion and fashion, and all of those things crystallize in Lily Allen's music." Stairway to Heaven is the best song ever written according to a poll of listeners to the National Programme’s “Afternoons” with Jim Mora. A Whiter Shade of Pale was right up there too, along with Bruce Springsteen. What is this audience? Aging rock radicals with time on their hands?

John Bishop is a speaker, writer, trainer and facilitator. He also practises public relations, writes speeches and works as an MC and as a social and political commentator. See www.johnbishop.co.nz

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