INDEPENDENT NEWS

Rage Over Round-Ended Egg Opening Escalates

Published: Thu 9 Feb 2006 10:03 AM
Rage Over Round-Ended Egg Opening Escalates
Satire by Lyndon Hood
Outrage over cartoons which first appeared in Scandinavia, some of which are offensively critical of the whole idea of opening hard-boiled eggs at the wide end, is spreading into riots, violence and trade disputes worldwide. Some believe this event may have brought the clash between Big- and Little- Endian egg-opening to a head.
Although the New Zealand response has been more temperate, much coverage has been given to big-Endians worldwide carrying placards saying "Death to the Little-Endian Scum", setting fire to buildings and citing an "American-Zionist conspiracy" against Big-Endians.
Understanding in Big-Endian states that the secular West has no control over how its citizens open their eggs seems limited. Many have condemned the Big-Endian's intolerence and hypocrisy - many Big-Endian leaders and media have made equally inflammatory statements about those who open their eggs at the point end or - indeed - at the side.
International leaders' calls for dialogue and understanding have not prevented tensions from escalating on all sides.
Two New Zealand newspapers and the state television station have republished the cartoons, claiming their intent was to defend the hard-won right of Western democracies to freedom of egg-opening.
The move was widely decried by New Zealand Big-Endians, leading to large protests and the intervention of the Brunch Relations Conciliator.
Politicians have condemned the republication, calling it 'irresponsible'. Government ministers have cited the media's ethical obligation to its community and, more commonly, the possible trade consequences.
"It's all very well calling newspapers irresponsible for offending big-Endians," said one New Zealand blogger, "Who cares? This must not be allowed to interfere with our absolute right to open hard-boiled eggs at the pointy bit. Why are none of these politicians standing up for us? I don't think I do have to understand why the Bigofascists are so offended if they're going to be such jerks about it."
The newspapers have not been available for comment.
It appears this Egg-relations crisis - for reasons that escape this correspondent - is even greater than that caused by the illegal invasion and occupation of Blefuscu in 2003 by Little-Endian Soldiers.
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