THE TRUTH FROM OUR OWN SOLDIERS ABOUT IRAQ:
Letters and audio from soldiers speaking out
11/28/05
Published by Jay Shaft- Coalition For Free Thought In Media
A few months ago I put out a request for letters from soldiers being redeployed to Iraq for a second or third tour. I
received about ten letters so far and will be publishing them over the next several weeks.
I am publishing the first three letters today and also including some audio files from interviews of Iraq vets who have
PTSD or are having problems getting health care or benefits from the VA.
I am in the middle of a series of articles about OIF/OEF vets who are suffering from PTSD or have had traumatic injuries
or ongoing problems with getting treatment or having claims denied or delayed. The response on that has been absolutely
overwhelming.
I expect to be able to release over 20 full length interviews, and about 30 letters and stories from soldiers who are
going through hell after coming home from Iraq or Afghanistan.
I felt that now was the time to put this out after watching Meet The Press and the Sunday news shows with all the
opinions about withdrawal and slurs of treason and supporting terrorists by questioning our mission in Iraq.
I have included two audio files of the PTSD/Traumatic Injury interviews.
The first audio file is the third part of a very long interview with Specialist Douglas Barber who served with the
1485th Transportation Company, Ohio National Guard.
The full length interview with Specialist Barber will be released tomorrow on hundreds of web sites around the world.
The other audio is a short interview I did with Staff Sgt. Raymond Ramos of the 442nd MP Company, NY National Guard. It
is mainly about the budget cuts and failure to fund the VA programs for returning vets and vets of previous wars. He
also goes into some of his beliefs about the current state of affairs in regards to Iraq and those who call the
outspoken US troops and veterans things like traitors and cowards.
Staff Sgt. Ramos also has some critical comments on Bush's words about support for the troops. Staff Sgt. Ramos is not
suffering from PTSD or related problems of that nature. He is suffering from long term health care issues from exposure
to Depleted Uranium. He is having difficulty getting treatment from the VA and they are billing his insurance for
medically necessary services they are supposed to provide for free.
LETS JUST LISTEN TO THE SOLDIERS WHO ARE THE REAL EXPERTS HERE!
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PT 3: INTERVIEW WITH SPC. DOUGLAS BARBER- OIF VET WITH PTSD:
IN THIS PART HE SLAMS SEAN HANNITY AND THE KNEE JERK REACTIONARY PUNDITS, TALKS ABOUT HIS REASONS FOR SPEAKING OUT AND
WHY HE IS NOT A TRAITOR OR COMMITTING TREASON, AND HOW HE IS AN EXPERT ON IRAQ AND THE PUNDITS ARE NOT
AUDIO OF 11/24/05 INTERVIEW WITH SSGT. RAYMOND RAMOS: OPINIONS ON VA CUTS, FAILURE TO TAKE CARE OF THE RETURNING TROOPS,
AND HIS IRAQ WAR VIEWS AND ISSUES OF CONTINUING THE MISSION IN IRAQ
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Letters from a Three US soldiers that were redeploying for another tour of combat duty in Iraq:
I AM GOING ON RECORD AND SAYING RIGHT NOW THAT THESE OFF RECORD LETTERS HAVE BEEN SEEN BY Veterans For Peace, Iraq
Veterans Against War, Operation Truth, AND NUMEROUS VETS AND OTHERS WHO CAN VERIFY THEM. I SENT A COPY OF THE ORIGINAL
LETTERS TO THESE GROUPS AND TO SEVERAL VETS WHO I KNOW WILL CALL IT LIKE IT IS.
I HAVE HAD A LOT OF SH*T IN THE PAST ABOUT HOW I FABRICATED LETTERS AND INTERVIEWS. THAT IS UTTER B.S. AND WRONG ON
ANYONE'S PART WHO TRIES TO DISCREDIT THE TRUTH AS THE TROOPS ARE SPEAKING ABOUT IT.
CERTAIN PERSONAL DETAILS HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INDENTITY OF THE SOLDIERS WHO WROTE THE LETTERS. THEY WERE THE
ONES THAT HELPED ME TO MAKE SURE IT WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BE TRACKED BACK TO THEM AND CHANGED ALL THE DETAILS BEFORE
PUBLICATION.
I can and will back up anything I put out, unless it puts a soldier in danger, or hurts his career or family members. I
have done everything in my power to make sure that these letters came from real troops who are redeploying.
Any letter I have doubts about will not be published, or will be verified by vets who were in Iraq.
I felt that now was the time to put this out after watching Meet The Press and the Sunday news shows with all the
opinions about withdrawal and slurs of treason and supporting terrorists by questioning our mission in Iraq.
****************
Dear Jay Shaft and Coalition For Free Thought In Media,
I received your request to interview or get letters from the troops who are redeploying for a second combat tour in
Iraq. I am happy to talk to you, as long as you can keep me off record and protect me from having my name discovered by
the Army and DOD. I cannot afford to get caught doing this because they will take my rank and service time and shit all
over them.
I am an officer with an MP unit and have almost twenty years in service. I am almost ready to retire, but the Army felt
it necessary to the mission in Iraq to send me over for at least a year, even though my enlistment is technically done
after the beginning of next year.
I am redeploying for my second tour in Iraq and my fourth overseas assignment in the past four years. I have been home
with my family a total of eleven months in that time, and it looks like I will spend less than a year with them out of a
five-year period.
The Pentagon claims that we have plenty of troops to meet our obligations around the world, but they are redeploying as
many as 100,000 more troops to Iraq by the end of 2006. Right now over 30,000 have been redeployed, and that's just over
the last few months. In the beginning of this year there were about 20-30,000 that had to redeploy, I don't know exact
numbers, but it was a lot.
They claim that they are meeting their recruiting demands and keeping enough soldiers in service to respond to any
mission profile or duty response that is needed. They claim that our time frame in Iraq is only temporary, until the
elections are over. Yeah, well we have already stayed through two elections and several attempts to draft a
constitution. How many more times will we have to send thousands of troops over to secure democracy yet another time? Is
it ever going to be secured? We will ever be allowed to leave Iraq?
This is the same Pentagon that says the Army and other branches are at their optimum size and they have been insisting
all along it had plenty of troops to do the job, and to finish the job?
Does it look like we have enough troops that they can use without redeploying the same units that have taken mass
casualties and had their strength depleted through bloody and life changing injuries? No, they are sending us back to
the same meat grinder that me and my fellow brothers and sisters in arms were lucky to return home from.
Some of us made the ultimate sacrifice by dying for our country in military service, and others have had their lives
forever changed by injuries and suffering from PTSD and combat stress. We will never be the same again, even if we won't
even admit it to ourselves. We have come home only to face the imminent prospect of going back and dying for our country
and their misguided policies and drive for oil and profits.
How do you tell a soldier he has to go back and put his life on the line again? How do you ask him to possibly give up
his legs or arms or get permanent brain damage or other life damaging injuries? How can you be the one to ask a man or
woman that, especially if they have children?
Maybe we should make an individual who supports the war without question be the one to notify the soldier he has to
redeploy. Then if that soldier dies or gets hurt that same person would be responsible to go and notify the family that
their soldier is dead or maimed for life.
Maybe that would change the minds of some of the people who do not know or care of the costs the troops pay every day
they are being kept in Iraq. I am not saying that they shouldn't Support The Troops; you should do that no matter what
your views on the war.
Regardless of a soldier's take on the politics and opinions of this war and its cost, each soldier will carry this
experience in his or her heart and mind forever. You can never get the sight out of your mind's eye of the wounded and
bleeding U.S. soldiers, and the ones who died right there in front of you or came back to the FOB in a bag.
The deaths of soldiers and civilians, and what is happening now in Iraq with the raids on the insurgent strongholds are
not a reality TV show. It costs us lives, and and will be continuing to cost a lot of lives on both sides. How much more
can they expect us to endure?
Enduring Freedom is an ironic name for continuing operations in the war on terror. It should be Operation Enduring
Deaths and Injuries, because the death toll and number of injuries is growing like a cancerous tumor on our lives.
We should make sure that the rich kids and the wealthy young Turks of business have to serve the country as well as the
poor. Why should the duty be left up to those who might not have any other options for a career because they can't
afford college or higher education?
This will probably not happen, since the wealthy upper class and the well-heeled middle class are no longer sending
their kids to the all-voluntary forces like they were during Vietnam, when the draft got everyone, unless you could buy
your way out of course. The families of the less fortunate have no one to speak for them in Congress, so the rich will
not have to sacrifice their kids or loved ones, they just have to wave the flag and "support the troops".
We really need cheerleaders right now, it's really saving lives and helping our troops to stay alive and come home. As
you can see I do indulge in sarcasm, but it is high time someone in service did. We need to make sure that every man
woman and child in America that stands up and waves the flag knows that it covers coffins coming home from the war they
support.
For all the soldiers who say that they hate the protesters and would beat the crap out of them if they could, we need to
make it real clear about our nation's foundation on freedom. We should be constantly reminded that the free expression
of all opinions, any viewpoints and ideals, and even outright stupidity and the right to have any beliefs is exactly
what we as soldiers are defending, because we are supposed to be bringing that right to the Iraqis as well.
I realize that it is hard sometimes to listen to people oppose the war or the President's choices, especially when we
don't like the opinions offered and we are making sacrifices including giving up our lives. However, if we truly believe
in what we sacrifice for, we will give people the right to voice dissent or to oppose this war.
Being soldiers, it is our duty to follow the orders of our commanders and this country's leaders, but as citizens it is
everyone's right and responsibility to question our government and have the right to engage in political and ethical
debate.
We as soldiers have to wait until we get out of service before we can openly engage in our own opinions and views, which
is the ultimate irony for the soldier who is having questions or disillusionment with serving in Iraq. If you ask is
there an official gag order, no, there is not one specific policy or rule to cover that, but you are told your duty is
to never questions orders by a superior or our country's leaders.
While it is not a specific written policy, you can be assured that you will get punished or sanctioned for speaking out
against the war or questioning the reality you have been presented. I have had several soldiers that I was responsible
for investigating after they sent harsh and critically questioning letters back home. They were punished; believe me,
with whatever the harshest punishment could be.
I was not responsible for the final adjudication or punishment, but I know it occurred. Please keep that in mind when
you publish this letter. I want to be able to finish my 20 without getting crucified or have my rank taken away. I put
in too much time to lose it all now.
I do not want to go back to Iraq. I do not want to see more of my soldiers killed or viciously wounded, or to see any of
them end up with PTSD or long lasting mental problems.
I do not want to have to make the decision about whether to open fire on insurgents and know that I might be killing an
innocent civilian who got in the way. I do not want to see any more dead children or any civilian for that matter. I do
not want the responsibility of who dies and who lives. I know it is my job to do that as a commander, but it is not an
easy thing to decide.
I do not want to go, but I will because I will not shirk my duty and try to get out of it. I am not happy to be going
back to Iraq or happy about any of the things going on there. We are losing at least two or three soldiers a day, which
makes the odds for my command pretty bad. I know I will lose soldiers; it's not something that I can hide from, or try
to deny.
I know that the soldiers that die under my command will leave behind wives, children and mothers and fathers. They will
leave behind brothers, sisters, and many friends who love them and will feel great pain and grief.
I just stand in awe of all the grief that my base has been through. We have lost about 100 soldiers from the various
units at my stateside duty station, and more are being lost everyday.
I am going again and I might not come back. If I die in Iraq I will leave behind a wife and three children who will not
have a father and mentor. It is hard enough having to leave them again; I just hope it's not forever.
With great regards for your work,
Captain Courage-
REAL NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE IDENTITY OF THE SOLDIER ----------------------------
****************
Jay Shaft,
I saw you were looking for vets of Iraq with PTSD and you were also looking for soldiers who were going to deploy for
additional duty in Iraq. I am responding to both of your requests, because I am a vet with PTSD who has been mobilized
for another combat tour in Iraq.
If you can keep my name and details to yourself then I am willing to speak to you. I will only talk to you if you are
able to ensure the privacy and confidentiality of what I say to yourself. I know you will publish this somewhere but you
can't put out my name or any unit info when you write it up.
I'm sure you have had to do this with other soldiers, because I have looked you up and found the stuff you have already
written about. I don't know if you'll publish this letter, but I hope so. I need to get it off my chest and let the
people at home know what we are going through.
It is against regulations to speak out in public, on message boards or in e-mails, or to speak to the press about any
negative feelings or questions we might have about going back to Iraq. I have to be careful what I tell my family and
friends because there is always something they consider vital to mission security or operations.
The truth is all I am worried about right now. No one seems to be willing to listen to us soldiers who have been over
there and then come home. We want to tell them to send someone else, but we can't say that in public or where anyone
might hear it and report us.
I am redeploying for my second tour in Iraq and I am not real happy about it. In fact I'm quite angry that they are
sending me back. I have been away from my family for almost three of the last five years, and I've had enough. Even
though I'm fed up with it I can't refuse to go back. No way am I becoming a C.O. (conscientious objector) and doing time
in Leavenworth. That's even worse than going back to Iraq.
You wanted some details about troops with PTSD. Okay, I can answer some questions for you.
I have PTSD that would probably qualify for at least 50% disability and maybe as much as 100%. They won't let me get
through all the steps to get into the system and qualify me as having PTSD significant enough to be unable to perform my
duty. I know I have it real bad, but they keep giving me the run around.
I feel I am unfit for combat. If I have to be completely honest I would be a danger to anyone serving with me. I am in
no way capable of going back to Iraq and conducting operations for another year. There is no possible way I could do my
duty in a normal manner, I am just having too many problems that will diminish my capacity in the field.
I am all messed up in the head and I am suffering from depression and other mental problems. I don't think I am fit to
serve combat duty, but I could manage to do a non-combat job, because I have been doing all right for the last year. I
can do my job as long as I am not involved with combat or high-risk operations. I think it would be a mistake on the
part of the Army to expect other men to serve with me when they know I have reported my problems too many times to
count. They hear it but they don't really want to listen to it.
I am sure the Army could find me a duty assignment somewhere where my problems would not endanger the men around me. I
have to be honest about how dangerous I am to those around me, because I would expect any other soldier to have the same
respect for my life. I wouldn't want to serve with someone who was not operating at max efficiency so why would I expect
someone else to serve with me if I am not 100% fit and ready to go?
I have complained to my superiors but I was pretty much ignored and saw the complaints pushed away when they came up.
The Army wants me in Iraq and fighting and I do not want to do that. I don't want to be the one who got other soldiers
killed or hurt. I keep telling them I am having problems and they send me to three day or short term counseling and then
try to hide it under the rug.
I know of about 75 men in my battalion and about 200 in the brigade who have some kind of PTSD or are having
readjustment issues or other problems. Some guys have beaten their wives or kids because they were so angry and fucked
up from Iraq. I know about three guys who tried to kill themselves after they came home, and there were two in our
brigade that killed themselves in Iraq.
As a unit we are good to go, but there are some of us who are not operating at full capacity. This is going to get some
of our guys killed, and I think the Army knows it and doesn't care. I hope that I won't get anyone killed, but what
happens the first time someone does get killed. Will I blame myself for it, even if it wasn't my fault? I probably will,
because I blame myself for some of the deaths from my first tour.
Aw, hell, there are always more troops you can send over to maintain the unit strength. There is always a young kid
ready and willing to go and serve his country, but are they really willing to die for it? Maybe they are, but I am no
longer willing to die in Iraq for a war gone wrong in every way it can.
If I was defending us here at home against terrorists I would be glad to lay down my life, but not in Iraq. It's about
protecting Americans at home, not by fighting and dying in some godforsaken shit hole desert country. I would die to
protect this country, no doubts, but it is not keeping us safe to die in Iraq.
I had hell in Iraq the whole time I was there. It was rough and unless you've been there you just can't understand.
There's no way for a civilian to understand the stress and constant state of alertness that you live with. Only another
combat soldier can relate to how it really is.
I know 26 soldiers who died and about 250 who got wounded and evaced out of country. I saw at least 300-400 get minor
injuries and return to duty that same day or in a few days after they were hurt. I thank God I made it back alive but
this whole thing about going back just pisses me off.
We lost a lot of guys in the first tour, a lot of them that I knew. We had our Brigade Command Sergeant Major get killed
along with his driver. It really hurt me because I knew the CSM and he was a great guy who put it all on the line for
his soldiers. He died doing what he loved and he had done it all his life.
I had bad problems dealing with the ones who were killed, it really left a hole in my heart. I thought I could take it,
but it really got to me and I reported PTSD to my commander. I got the typical three day combat PTSD deal and then was
sent back to my unit.
One of the E-7's was like, shut up and get over it. I almost kicked his ass but that wouldn't have done me any good. I
took a lot of shit for not being able to deal with it, but I had the right to request counseling. If it was affecting my
ability to perform in combat then I needed to report it and deal with it the right way.
Shoving the pain down deep inside only works for a little while. After a certain point you can't push anything more into
the hole deep inside yourself, then you have to vent or else you'll go crazy. I know there were lots of other guys who
sought out counseling, and some of them had to be sent home because they were so fucked up.
Seeing combat over a long period of time really fucked me up mentally. We were hit with everything, IEDs, RPGs, mines,
small arms fire, you name it and they hit us with it. You never knew when it was coming or who would get it. It was
constant fear and stress, day after day.
So I'm going back again, damn them fuckers it's just not fair. I did my time over there, let them send someone who
hasn't already gone over.
Well I guess I can't go AWOL so I have no options but to gear up and go. After we leave will be in Kuwait for several
weeks training with the new up armor Humvees and the go to our AO (area of operations) in Iraq. I know it's going to be
hardest before we get to Iraq. Being close to the actions but separated from it will be hell to deal with. To hear about
attacks and deaths in our assigned AO will be scary. The combat stress and fear will slowly build up even before we get
to our FOB (Forward Operating Base).
We are going into a hot zone with a high amount of attacks on the patrols and convoys. I just saw that 6 guys were
killed around there just the other day and at least 20 have been killed in the area in the last month. We will have the
newer 1114 series humvees or so they say. I hope we get `em because the 1025s and 1043s with the added armor are really
unsafe.
That scares the shit out of me, because over the last few months the insurgents have stepped up the number of attacks,
and they are using bigger and badder IEDs. You know your vehicle is going to get hit, it's not a question of if you'll
get hit, it's a question of when.
The last time around I was riding a M998 humvee with armored doors and windshield that were placed on the vehicle when
we first arrived in country. We had the M1025s and 1043s, but I wasn't in one right away, there just weren't enough to
go around. I know we are getting the new up armor hummers because we are in a high security patrol area and need the
extra armor because of all the attacks. We will be doing a lot of scout missions and other high risk duties that will
put us right in IED alley.
Even though we are getting the up armors, I have seen a lot of problems with them. The up armored humvees are slow as
shit, difficult to maintain, have steering problems, and are easy to tip over. I have seen some of them tip over and
some guys got hurt or killed when they were riding the gunner's turret.
I have seen the 1043s get hit with IEDs and the armor is just not enough. I've seen what happens when one is hit with a
155mm round IED at short range. Whoever's on that side dies or gets wounded so bad they die later. It happened to one of
my best friends, it happened to a Lieutenant and a Captain at the FOB right down the street from us, and I saw it happen
to at least 10 guys we were on patrol with.
I was in one of the 1043s that got hit and even the supplemental armor was not going to stop that 155mm round. We got
hit bad and our driver was killed instantly. The guy riding shotgun lost his eye and parts of his hands and feet, and
got torso wounds that almost killed him right there. I got a few chunks of shrapnel in my face and hands, but I was real
lucky to be behind the doorpost, which absorbed most of the blast. The other two guys in the vehicle didn't get hurt at
all just shaken up.
Actually I was glad to be in the 1043, because if we had been riding the 998 or 1025 we would all have been dead or out
of action for good. That's why we are getting the best new hummers, but this doesn't justify the reasons that any
soldier should have to go without the up armored vehicles, proper body armor, and things like that.
When we get to Iraq we will know exactly which parent unit will be our actual commanding unit. Of course we will have
our own HHC (Head Quarters Company) but we will be under the command of whatever larger unit we are assigned to.
Depending on where we are needed we could stay with the rest of the 101st or be assigned to any number of other units
like 1st Cav or 3rd ID or even with the Marines if they need us.
Our normal duty will consist of mounted patrols, battalion quick reaction force missions, manning observation posts, MSR
sweeps, traffic checkpoint searches, and maintaining other checkpoints and security ops. Of course nothing is normal
about Iraq, so you never know what you will be doing or if you will be in a fire fight or see some kind of action.
I don't know if I am coming back home and it scares the piss out of me. I might come home but be wounded and not able to
live a normal life. I've seen the guys who lost limbs and had brain damage. It's not pretty and it's got to fuck up
their families.
Well I have said what I needed to. I hope it makes some kind of difference, but if it was just me bitching, so be it.
After all I have been through I am entitled to bitch. The ones who will say I am disgracing my service can go fuck
themselves. This is my nightmare and I WILL talk about it. I don't care who doesn't like it, fuck `em!
Wait another year and then you'll see how many soldiers have long lasting mental problems. It will get to be like after
Vietnam when all those soldiers finally realized they had big problems.
We cannot forget the last two years in Iraq have been a total disaster and it has fucked up a lot of lives, both
civilian and military. Our soldiers will be facing this for years to come. Look at how long some of the Nam vets have
been suffering, over 30 years and still no relief.
You can never be the same again, it is all in how you deal with it.
After I get to my AO and settle in I will write to you, or try to because of the risk of getting caught. I want to be
able to get letters out there for people to read. I have seen some that soldiers sent home and it made me think that I
could do it to.
I'll be in touch if I can. I really want to try and keep you updated on anything that happens to us. I will talk to you
when I get back so you can interview me. I am sure if I make it I will have one hell of a story to tell.
AIRBORNE!
PS-Please don't let my unit info get out or I am in deep shit.
NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE IDENTITY OF THE SOLDIER
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Letter # 3 from warsucks31
RE: LOOKING TO INTERVIEW OIF/OEF VETS WITH PTSD OR TRAUMATIC INJURIES
Jay Shaft,
I was sent a copy of your request to interview OIF vets. I was part of OIF2 from **** 2003-December 2003-then back for
more until around April 2004. I was wounded and I also have a very bad case of PTSD. I can't get the Army to admit that
I have a disabling amount of PTSD and it has been very hard to get counseling or any treatment for it.
I am not to sure about writing to you, but I'll take a chance. What can they do, send me back to Iraq? I am going again
so there's nothing they can really do to me, It's just my family I am worried about, I can deal with the heat if they
find out about me, but my family can't get hurt. I need the housing benefits and the family benefits we get because I am
serving this country.
The problem is those who speak up are harshly punished for it and pay the price for speaking up. We get in trouble while
the ones who made us this way carry on as if nothing ever happened. I have seen that first hand and have been in trouble
already for criticizing Bush and the Pentagon's civilian assholes. I know of some guys who wrote home and told the
truth. They got so much shit that I don't think they wrote anything else the whole time in Iraq.
I have been having a lot of problems dealing with some events that took place over in Iraq, and just a couple of months
ago my brother and three high school friends deployed to the same AO I used to be at. His unit is taking heavy
casualties and I am probably redeploying to the same AO myself. It scares me, but I might be able to see my brother
every day. It has been hard being separated and seeing the news about his AO and the rest of the FOBs in hot zones that
are getting heavy action.
I guess only another vet or soldier there right now could relate to my shit. It is the soldiers who did it who can
relate to this kind of problem, not the civilians. We have to explain it to them to make them realize the cost of this
war on the minds of those fighting it. They need to get the whole picture that is there, not just the parts the media
and the government lets them see.
I can't relate to anyone that isn't in the military. Everything I think about brings back the horrors of Iraq. Things
were so much clearer there; you didn't have to think about it, you just did what needed to be done. Now I have to think
about things all the time, and it is simple stuff but I can't do it. My thought patterns are all fucked up.
I am scared because I have a three month old daughter, and I don't know if I'll be coming back to see her. I have two
sons and they are both under 10. My sons watched me leave once, now they will have to go through another year or more
separated from their dad. My wife was almost ready to divorce me before I knew I had to redeploy.
This is hurting my family because I have to leave again and they worry about me all the time. I haven't been able to
talk to my kids the right way. I have pushed them away so that they didn't see all the pain and shit I was going though.
I didn't think I was going back, so I just knew I had plenty of time to get my shit straight, and then deal with my
kids.
Now I don't have that chance because I just didn't get things accomplished like I thought I would. If I die over there
then all this shit will be unresolved and be forever part of what they remember about their daddy. I don't want them to
remember me as the fucked up man who came home for a year and was yelling and freaking out all the time. I don't want
them to remember me that way, as just coming home and then leaving again and not coming back.
When I was over there I was always waiting for the next I.E.D or attack. I still expect to be attacked every time I walk
outside or drive around in the car. I am always ready to jump out and take cover or to react with evasive moves with the
car. I scared the shit out of my wife so much that I don't drive unless I am going somewhere alone.
I am drinking heavily and taking enough pills to kill Elvis. I just can't sleep unless I have passed out, and even then
I wake up most of the time screaming and yelling or jumping out of bed and trying to hide under it.
When I was in Iraq the attacks and expectation of dying were what I probably had the most trouble with. I was in several
attacks and survived a few roadside bombs and IEDs. I almost died in one attack I have to tell you about.
I was in a cargo truck that got attacked by insurgents. We were in a supply convoy and were almost to our FOB when they
jumped us. We never saw it coming and I can't remember all the details even now. They hit the back of my truck with an
RPG and then opened fire on us with AKs.
When the RPG hit us it knocked me out for a few minutes. I was half awake and going in and out of consciousness but I
was still aware of all the shit going on around me. I heard the bullets hitting the cab of the truck and felt the
shrapnel and fragments hitting all over my body. Before I fully awoke, I heard another couple gunshots and figured that
he got my driver as well. I came to and saw the fuckers shooting my driver, who had tried to pull himself out of the cab
and return fire.
They killed three of us that day and wounded four more. I still wake up screaming and covered in sweat when I have that
dream. I saw several more soldiers get killed after that, but it wasn't the same because I was able to shoot back at the
assholes. That one attack was the hardest thing I went through over there because I was helpless the whole time they
were attacking us.
I think the troops need to write home about the things that go on over in Iraq. They need to tell the people about the
problems, such as the government not getting the proper equipment to protect our troops.
While the assholes argue and debate over whether we're beating the insurgents or if they're almost defeated, troops are
still dying. They want to argue about whether they have enough civilian contractors and other such inconsequential
stuff. The troops still don't have enough up-armored hummers and a lot of them are using 10-15 year old equipment that
the last unit in their AO left behind.
We had to have at least 10 people lost in our unit before we got some up-armored Humvees, and there were never enough
for everyone. But that's only the opinion of someone who spent 16 months over there. I probably don't know shit because
I am just a common line soldier. Only the civilians and generals can have an expert opinion, they won't give the grunts
a voice in this debate.
I needed to get some of this out, it feels a little better now. Maybe there is a soldier out there who has figured out
how to deal with PTSD or whatever the hell all this is, but I am still trying to find my way of dealing with it. I will
be dealing with this for a long time. Going back now will just make it all the harder to face when I get back. It will
just add more misery to the pain I am already facing.
Hey, it sucks to admit I got fucked up over there, but I'm not alone. I will never be "normal", but I'm alive, and I
hope I can stay alive to work it out and get better. No one understands what really happened there, except those who
went through it.
I never hid from my job in the war, nor turned my back on my duties. I'm proud to have served my country, but this whole
war pisses me off and makes me so mad I want to punch Bush.
Everything was so much simpler in Iraq, or that's what I tell myself anyway.
I WISH THEY COULD JUST END THIS WAR RIGHT NOW!
Wish me luck and pray for me to come home safe,
WAR SUCKS WHEN IT HAS NO CAUSE OR ENDING!
GOD BLESS AMERICA
OOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! AIRBORNE!!!!!!!!
****************
I am also including the links to some of my previously published articles, interviews and letters from soldiers in Iraq
and their families.
US Soldiers to America: ''Bring us home now; we’re dying for oil and corporate greed!''
http://www.veteransforpeace.org/US_soldiers_101203.htm
Scoop: US Soldiers to America: Bring Us Home Now (Pt. 5)
www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0310/S00195.htm
(this article has links to the other four articles in the series)
Scoop: When Will We Stop Dying Senselessly? – US Soldiers
http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0402/S00006.htm
Scoop: Sometimes It Is A Soldiers Duty To Tell The Truth
www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0402/S00049.htm
(YES! THIS IS THE ARTICLE THAT WAS RETRACTED BY A WEBSITE BASED ON ANONAMOUSLY PROVIDED PROOF AND QUESTIONS FROM THEIR
OWN ANONOMOUS SOURCE. IRONIC ISN'T IT? ANONAMOUS QUESTIONS OF AN ANONOMOUS ARTICLE!)
Yes! I’ve Killed Innocent People In Iraq! Oh God Forgive Me! I Refuse To Go Back Again! It’s a Sin!
http://www.williambowles.info/iraq/objector.html
http://www.world-crisis.com/analysis_comments/786_0_15_0_C31/
Dead heroes can't pay the bills!
Stop killing us and then waving the flag! It's sick and disgusting
http://orbstandard.com/News/Shaft/shaft_interview_with_a_us_soldier.html
Scoop: Jay Shaft: A US Soldier Writes From Iraq
www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0402/S00088.htm
I met one of our troops yesterday- A VET RESPONDS TO MY ARTICLE
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CFTMArchive/message/60
Letter From A Soldier's Mother: Soldier's Are Not Combat Ready!
www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0402/S00099.htm
LETTER FROM A SCARED, ANGRY MOTHER OF A FUTURE MARINE
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CFTMArchive/message/42
For Families of Some Killed in Iraq: Grief, Outrage and Protest
http://newstandardnews.net/content/index.cfm/items/705
“The pain of my son’s death does not get any better, it just gets worse as time goes on.” Interview with Celeste
Zappala, Mother of Army Sgt. Sherwood R. Baker
http://www.williambowles.info/iraq/zappala.html_
Scoop: Jay Shaft IV - President Bush, You Killed My Son!
www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0409/S00032.htm
Scoop: NYC Anti-War Protest Interview With Sue Niederer
http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0408/S00302.htm
Scoop: Jay Shaft Poem: The Endless Funeral Procession
http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0505/S00136.htm
Poem I put out on the second anniversary of the Iraq invasion.
*************
ABOUT THE WRITER:
Jay Shaft is a freelance investigative writer, and the Managing Executive Editor/Owner of the independent news group
Coalition For Free Thought In Media.
http://groups.google.com/group/Coalitionforfreethoughtinmedia
He has conducted many interviews with soldiers who have served in Iraq, in which service members exposed the issues of
the military's failure to provide proper equipment and training to USA troops, and he has been on the forefront of
investigating the price that soldiers are paying as a result.
He is currently involved in interviewing soldiers who have returned from war with PTSD or trauamatic injuries. An
ongoing expose and series of troops/vet interviews and articles highlighting the failure of the VA system to adequately
take care of the soldiers and vets is in current publication at this time.
He has also published many letters and interviews from parents speaking out against the death or injury of their
children serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Contact Jay at coalitionforfreethoughtinmedia@yahoo.com or freethoughtinmedia2@yahoo.com
"THE TRUTH IS A VIRUS! SPREAD IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD!"
"YOU WON'T KNOW YOU'RE A SHEEP UNTIL YOU'RE SHEARED AND ON THE WAY TO THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE! YOU WILL FINALLY WAKE UP WHEN
THE KNIFE IS AT YOUR THROAT!" - Jay Shaft
TO JOIN THE COALITION FOR FREE THOUGHT IN MEDIA OR READ THE OPEN PUBLIC ARCHIVES GO TO http://groups.google.com/group/Coalitionforfreethoughtinmedia