DogSkinReport: John Kerry, You Suck

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following column comes from an email bulletin received from the Dog Skin Report - "Political pointers for those with a keen sense of smell". The Dog Skin Report is a fantastic free news and commentary by email service available via links at the end of this item. Each item consists of a brief introduction from the Top Dog followed by a link – so in other words it is a blog – an email blog, and a goodun. – The Scoop Editor

Let me ease gently into this. John Kerry sucks. Absolutely sucks.

Here is a man who volunteered to fight in Vietnam and was a decorated combat veteran and ends up spending days having to explain the difference between a ribbon and a medal. Meanwhile, the man who used Daddy's influence to run from war sits back in the black house and laughs.

John Kerry, you suck. If you cannot muster an effective argument in these circumstances, you truly suck. Go away, please. If need be, go back to Vietnam. Anywhere but here.

And while I'm at it, so many of you elected officials in the Democratic party also suck. How many of you in Congress voiced your outrage that Karen Hughes and Karl Rove and the rest of Dubya's pond slime could even suggest that Kerry is "soft on defense?" Just how many?

And you TV journalists, you suck. When Karen Hughes suggested that she was "troubled" that John Kerry said he had witnessed atrocities in Vietnam, you didn't have the balls to mention the My Lai massacre, which was not some liberal fantasy, but a simple little matter of mass murder, an outrage that one Colin Powell tried to help cover up.

History to TV talking heads: there is complete photographic evidence of My Lai. Try displaying some of it in between your Karen Hughes sound bites, your plugs for American Idol and the other shameless op-ed ads for TV shows and movies that just happen to be owned by your same corporate masters. Trust me, some of your viewers might actually be paying attention between commercials.

As for you newspaper journalists, you also suck. When the US prepared to invade Iraq, your entire testosterone-manned crew could not pool even a single pair of testicles to discuss why the public in every single nation outside the US was against this war, heavily in most cases. Despite Rumsfeld's fantasy about the "coalition of the willing," the masses were strongly against it, even within so-called allies such as the United Kingdom and Spain. Why was that? Because other countries actually have a free press, one not controlled by five or six inbred crony capitalism corporations. Jesus, even the oversight is inbred, with Colin Powell's son in charge.

And you conservatives, you suck. You tell us you are for smaller government, but support a man who has presided over the greatest expansion of government in US history and you don't say dick about it. You really do suck.

You conservatives say you are for getting the government off our backs, but allow Americans to be "disappeared" by our neo-Chilean nightmare administration. When the government is allowed to grab one of your relatives, ship them down to Gitmo, hold them indefinitely without charges and not even tell anyone they've done it, what do you call it? Compassionate conservatism? I say if you consent to this, you suck. You really do suck.

To carry out this carnage, you allowed the appointment to Attorney General of one John Ashcroft, a man so far gone that he actually lost an election to a dead man. This hipster is so with it that, when he was elected governor of Missouri, he banned dancing at the inaugural party because he thinks dancing is immoral. This is a man who is so moral that he thought nothing of lying bald-faced in front of the 9/11 Commission. Someone so straight that he spent taxpayer money to cover up the naked breasts of a statue. Lord only knows what he thought about his mother. Under Ashcroft's twisted view of justice, not just tits are allowed to disappear, but also people. Why are you not outraged? Because you suck.

Which brings me to George W. Bush. You do not just simply suck, you are the most sucking member of an über-sucking family.

Where do we start, George? Let's forget your grandfather's financial tomfoolery, but cut straight to your father. Here is a brief highlight reel:

* Your father was apparently recruited by the CIA early on, since his name shows up as "CIA officer George Bush," briefed by J. Edgar Hoover after Kennedy was assassinated.

* Your father was later appointed as Director of Central Intelligence. If he was a covert CIA agent, this was clearly a case of treason, for he would have been required to reveal any such ties prior to his confirmation, which he did not.

* Your father was deeply involved in the Iran-Contra scandal, to the extent that he had to pardon several of the main participants on Christmas Eve, 1992 (Casper Weinberger, Elliot Abrams, Robert McFarlane, Duane Clarridge, Alan Fiers and Clair George), just before his lame-duck administration left office. Several of those pardoned could have implicated him in the Iran-Contra scandal, which was still being pursued by special prosecutor, Republican Lawrence Walsh. Although a president has unlimited pardon powers, it is highly unusual to pardon someone before trial and conviction. The best-known precedent -- following the Watergate political scandal during the Nixon administration -- was former President Ford's pardon in 1974 of former President Nixon, who was never indicted. Oh, and your father also pardoned a Pakistani heroin dealer. Sweet.

* Your father allowed the Savings-and-Loan bailout, which made the American taxpayer liable for the failure of billions of dollars of bad loans, some of which involved organizations which his own sons (Neil and Jeb) were involved with.

And now let's move on to you, George W. Bush, and your record.

* Your family was always quick to wave the flag, but during the Vietnam war, your father arranged for you to enter the Texas National Guard, despite the fact that there was a waiting list several states long. Not only that, but he got you a spot as a pilot, even though your test scores were at the very bottom of the acceptable category and even though countless other candidates had better qualifications.

* But it wasn't enough for you to simply escape from Vietnam. You actually didn't show up for service during one extended period. What were you doing? Some have suggested that you were simply AWOL, others have suggested that you missed your mandatory physical because of drug use, still others have postulated that you were involved in covert intelligence work in South America. What is clear is that you were doing anything but fulfilling your legal commitment in the National Guard.

* After exiting the National Guard, you skated into grad school, again on your family's slime. Some DC outsider, eh? You decided to go into business, but every piece of candy you touched turned to coal. Still, the family bailed you out.

* Which brings us to Harken Energy, or as we might call it, Enron Light. In 1986, Harken Energy purchased your failing Spectrum 7 company for $2 million in Harken stock. Why would they spend good money for a failing entity? Good question, but remember, your dad was Vice President at the time.

* In mid-1990, as a member of Harken's audit committee and board of directors, you became aware of the fact that Harken's stock was about to take a nose-dive. Two weeks later, you dumped your stock, despite the fact that the company's lawyer warned all directors in advance that any stock sales would likely be illegal. You not only ignored this warning, but you failed to report your stock sales to the SEC, a legal requirement. Can you say "Martha Stewart"?

* The SEC never went after you, and it doesn't take too much imagination to understand why. Can you say "Ken Lay"?

* It went from bad to worse. I'll leave it to readers to research just how you got involved with the Texas Rangers baseball team, and from there, how you became governor of Texas and the little payback deal with the Texas university pension fund. Suffice to say, your corporate moves would leave even Billy Graham blushing. And anyone who's heard the Nixon tapes understand that that's really saying something.

George. I have a few questions.

1. If the "will of the people" is important, why did you assume power, even though you lost the 2000 election by over half a million votes?
2. If you are against corporate fraud, can you explain how Martha Stewart's insider trading is so different from your insider trading at Harken Energy?
3. If defense of the nation is important, why did you "out" Joe Wilson's wife, CIA agent, Valerie Plame, who area of expertise was WMD's?
4. Why did you hand a two fat tax cuts to the wealthy when most US corporations paid zero income tax anyway?

I have only one further statement about George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and the rest of this bunch of criminals. If patriotism is such a lofty goal, one to which all decent Americans should aspire, please tell me why you and your own children, raised with your own stupendous moral guidance, have so obviously lost the faith. Please explain to me where you went wrong?

John Kerry, you suck. Democrats, you suck. Journalists, you suck. Conservatives, you suck. But George Bush. You don't just simply suck. To paraphrase Lou Reed, you've gone well beyond simply being an asshole. You have entered into some sort of urinary tract.

And finally, we suck. Each and every American sucks. You, me, all of us.

Why? Because we put up with this.

- Warmest regards, Top Dog

LINK:

WASHINGTON, D.C.‹ With the air gushing out of John Kerry's balloon, it may be only a matter of time until political insiders in Washington face the dread reality that the junior senator from Massachusetts doesn't have what it takes to win and has got to go. As arrogant and out of it as the Democratic political establishment is, even these pols know the party's got to have someone to run against George Bush. They can't exactly expect the president to self-destruct into thin air.

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