Limbaugh Uses Himself As Example Of Moral Decay

Palm Beach --Citing his reckless and illegal use of prescription drugs, Rush Limbaugh lambasted liberals for causing the moral decay of the country by refusing to take responsibility for their actions.

"I'm a perfect example of what happens when the touchy-feely, do-it-if-it-feels-good liberals have their way," he warned the 20 million listeners of his nationally syndicated radio show. "There's no accountability anymore. People like me feel like they can get away with anything and they shouldn't have to answer to God or anyone else. And it's all the fault of the radical Left."

The pill-popping, racial slurring Limbaugh said as long as Americans are unwilling to take an honest look at themselves and shape up, the nation will continue it's downward spiral into a decadent, hedonistic, self-gratifying orgy of sexual promiscuity, drug addiction, socialism and, most alarmingly of all, higher taxes.

The conservative pundit referred back to remarks he made about drug use in Oct. 1995 to further illustrate his point.

CAPTION: Rush reminded his listeners that in addition to causing every problem America has ever faced, liberals are also unpatriotic.

"Let's all admit something. There's nothing good about drug use. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs," he explained at the time. "And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up."

It is for the above reasons, he said, that all of the liberals that directly or indirectly contributed to his fall into drug addiction should be rounded up and thrown in jail for the rest of their natural lives.

But Rush noted that he was not the only outspoken conservative figure to succumb to the Left's agenda of situational ethics and insidious corruption. Bill Bennett, that beacon of morality and religious conservatism, serves as another warning of what can happen when an otherwise upstanding Republican let's his guard down and listens to the lies propagated by the liberal media.

"Friends, this is no less than a coordinated effort by the Left to stifle each and every conservative voice in the media one by one," cautioned Limbaugh while in a prescription drug-induced paranoid psychosis. "When are we going to wake up and realize that we are in a culture war and they are winning?"

CAPTION: Bill Bennett is still recovering from his bout of liberal mind control.

Dittoheads from across the United States responded energetically to Limbaugh's message of personal responsibility.

"I know exactly what you're talking about Rush," exclaimed Terry Morgan from Montana. "Those damned liberals made me embezzle several million dollars from my employer. Now I'm in the state penitentiary while the ones who are truly responsible for this crime are running free."

Another listener displaced his feelings of self-loathing onto the "tree-hugging hippies that have taken over my mind."

"I'm an abject failure in every aspect of my life thanks to the free-wheeling bohemians that control my every move," he said. "It's just a matter of time before they force me to vote for a tax and spend Democrat and go on welfare. Damn you Lefties!"

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