Scoop Satire: Nats Deny Smith To Be Traded In

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The National Party has come out fiercely denying rumors that former conservation minister Nick Smith is about to be traded in for a late-model Japanese import.

While the exact year and model are unknown, reliable sources suggest that the National Party Caucus has for some time had it's eye on a 1998 5-door Mitsubishi Gallant, currently in stock at Benny's Japanese Imported Cars Emporium, in Mt Eden, Auckland.

Party Leader Bill English angrily called the rumors "Poppycock", adding that "it would be plain bad economics to trade in Nick Smith, with his thrifty mileage, lack of rust, and proven off-road performance capabilities, at this time. That is not what the National Party is about. What the National Party is about is getting over the treaty and doing away with the ‘culture of complaint’ that has been holding this country back since 1840.”

English then pumped his fist in the air and shouted “White riot! White riot!” a number of times before departing, saying “Now if you'll excuse me I've got to go and do a haka on millionaire's row."

Smith was unavailable for comment. However, a recent paint-job which has left the minister a shiny metallic green has only fuelled speculation that he is being 'spruced up' for a more favourable deal.

"It's no secret that the Nats have had their eye on this Gallant for years now," says political analyst Bernard Stallion. "And with the very reasonable return they got when they swapped Simon Upton for a 95 Corrolla, it's hard to escape the feeling that English thinks the time may be ripe to trade Smith in."

The National Party has a recurring history of selling and swapping ministers it deems to be past their use-by date. James Bolger was traded in by Jenny Shipley for a tractor, Shipley herself was then swapped for a coffee-machine, and most recently then-President Michelle Boag was traded for a 'Billy-Bass' singing fish, which is now the opposition minister of finance.

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