Top 10 Signs You're Being Trick Or Treated By Ross Armstrong
By St Molesworth
1. The podgy head on the platter looks remarkably realistic.
2. You're a CEO and you get offered a "prime mover advantage" if you give him a lolly.
3. He refuses sweets and demands a chilled chardonnay instead.
4. He (not so) subtly hints he has very powerful friends who can virtually guarantee you membership of the Blockbuster
5. Before accepting any treats says he has to consult with Richard Griffin.
6. His Caspar the Friendly Ghost costume is positively straining at the seams.
7. Remarks on the suitability of your home as a bed and breakfast venue.
8. You have to give him candy to get him OUT of his car.
9. If you don't give him a treat, he takes you to court and then doctors the board minutes to say he was allowed to.
10. No matter what prank he plays, Mark Burton always defends him.
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