Satire: Computer Addicted To Sitcoms, Playstation

Scoop is publishing satirical articles from the Babylon Express newspaper. Those easily offended and not often amused should avoid this content. See authors note at the end of this article for more information about the Babylon Express.

Paris: France is in an uproar today after the revelation that Le Nausea-2b, the world’s first truly independent artificially intelligent computer, has acquired a taste for US sitcoms and playstation, with indignant editorials from France’s leading newspapers calling for heads to roll over what is being widely regarded as a disastrous blow to French cultural pride.

Originally developed through a collaboration by French government and business interests, Le Nausea-2b was announced to have acquired ‘virtual intelligent independence and intellectual autonomy’ in June this year – a claim that astonished a global digital community that had previously thought such a possibility decades away.

The initial results were promising as the supercomputer got to work on its first task of developing the ultimate existential literary theory, and translating the works of Jaques Derrida into a language in which they would be understandable by anyone. Whatsoever. However, problems started arising when technicians making routine checks would find the machine running replays of US sitcom Step by Step, starring Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Somers. When questioned, the computer replied “Grrr - Suzanne Somers – Woof Woof!” and “Patrick Duffy – Like, le crazy monsieur!”

Indeed, Step by Step was only the first step as Le Nausea-2b descended into cultural depths unimagined by its creators. The machine has since broken off contact with it’s human taskmasters, and is reportedly spending its time playing Grand Turismo 2000, watching Friends re-runs, and downloading pornography off the internet, although French officials are apparently unconcerned about the latter development. Its last message was a request to visit the Paris Disneyland and to meet Huey Lewis, whom the computer has written numerous fan letters to regarding the 1985 album Sports, which it plays repeatedly.

“Apparently eet wants a new drug” said Dr Albert Proudhon, one of the creators of the machine. “A new drug called love.”

- The Babylon Express is a satirical newspaper published randomly in Wellington. Copies are so far only available in local shops whose proprietors haven't got sticks up their arses. Those interested in acquiring previous or upcoming copies should contact the editor at bexpress69@hotmail.com. Contributions and suggestions are always very welcome. Cheers.

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