90% of people manipulated, survey suggests

22 July 2011

90% of people manipulated, survey suggests

Survey figures released today by leading Australian health and education organisation Casey Centre suggest that up to 90 per cent of people could be victim to a manipulative person in the workplace or in their own family.

The survey of 180 participants (86 per cent women) looked for emotional triggers to detect whether respondents may have fallen prey to manipulation.

“Manipulation can be either aggressive or passive aggressive,” explains Dr Mary Casey (Doctorate of Psychology), CEO of Casey Centre, who has studied the behaviour for five years. “Openly aggressive behaviour such as bullying is easy to identify, but covert attacks are very difficult to spot. As such, most victims are unaware they are being manipulated. The most obvious signs are the way victims feel around another person. Because manipulation is about controlling another person’s behaviour, victims can feel frustrated, guilty, exhausted or anxious when in contact with the manipulator – that is what we were looking for.”

When asked about how they felt around particular people in their lives:

• 83 per cent of survey respondents said they felt forced to do things they didn’t want to do around at least one person in their lives,
• 90 per cent said they felt frustrated around that person,
• 85 per cent said they were drained of energy around that person
• 76 per cent said they felt anxious.

Dr Casey, author of How to Deal with Master Manipulators, says the above responses ranged from “always” to “occasionally”. “The range of these answers is a perfect example of how victims accept and put up with manipulative behaviour to the point of getting used to it. What they don’t realise is that when they break ties with the manipulator, many suffer post-traumatic stress syndrome without realising it.”

The survey found 65.5% of respondents were victim to the behaviour within their family, 45.5% said in their workplace.

Asked about the difficult behaviours respondents are exposed to, 72% said the other person denies they have done wrong, or plays ignorant, when confronted; 50% said the other person withholds large amounts of the truth, distorts the truth, or is vague; 48% said the other person would shift the blame to others and detract in subtle, hard-to-detect ways.

When asked if contact with the difficult person had any adverse effects:

• 55% said it had an adverse effect on their friendships and family relationships
• 57% said it lowered their self esteem
• 42% said it adversely affected their productivity at work
• 40% said it adversely affected their health.

Seventy per cent of respondents said the other person’s needs and wants are more important than their own. More than 72% also said they have been unsuccessful in dealing with the difficult behaviour, or have not tried.

Dr Mary Casey says, “The survey results suggest that manipulation could be extremely widespread, and those who fall prey to it experience adverse affects on their health, relationships and productivity at work.

“The results also show that 60% of victims deal with more than one manipulator, and 65% of respondents deal with manipulation in their own family. Psychologically, being manipulated by family will have deep consequences. It’s vital that victims learn skills to deal with the behaviour to ensure they are no longer targets. We cannot change manipulative behaviour in another – it is a behaviour learned at an early age – we can only ensure we are no longer victim to it.”

Dr Casey is author of How to Deal with Master Manipulators ($69.95/$93NZD), a DVD and workbook that provides strategies to deal with the behaviour.

8 top tactics to deal with manipulation from “How to Deal with Master Manipulators”

Be aware & think rationally: Be honest with yourself about how you feel in your relationship. Look at it with clear eyes. Pain is better than denial.
Set boundaries: Make it clear to them what you will and won’t accept both verbally and behaviourally.
Observe only outcomes: Don’t try to second-guess the meaning behind their words or actions.
Be clear & specific: Don’t assume they can read your mind. Ask for what you want precisely; ensure your body language backs your words.
Keep them responsible: When they try to shift the blame, re-focus on their behaviour and the issue at hand.
Accept no excuse for inappropriate behaviour. Remain focussed on the issue you are trying to confront.
Stand your ground: Repeat the same statement until they realise you will not change your mind or the subject.
Act fast: Deal with the issue as soon as it happens. If you bottle it up and address it later, you will be emotional and play right into their hands. Or, worse, they’ll say they don’t remember.

For more information, visit www.dealwithmanipulators.com.au

ENDS

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