As much as 30 per cent of Kiwis have experienced the painful reality of family estrangement, often between parents and
children or siblings—it can last decades and is sometimes never resolved—but it is also a problem that can be solved if
at least one party is willing to confront their own emotions.
Simone-Ellen Keller, founder of Genius You , says that one person's behaviour can significantly impact the entire family for better or worse," says Keller. "By
changing how we respond to situations, we can influence positive changes in others."
Divorce, money, perceived favouritism, unaddressed neurodiversity, business deals, stress, parenting challenges and
personal criticism can all lead to rifts that grow in tension, angry communication and conflict.
"These pressures often lead to missed signals and unresolved issues, creating negative ripples throughout the family,"
she says. "Turning these negative ripples into positive ones requires knowing what to do when you feel stuck.
"To make it worse, most families operate under the assumption that nothing negative will happen," Keller says. "When it
does, they often don't know how to react. Having the problem-solving tools can help families become stronger and more
resilient."
The traditional approach of addressing one person within a family is not enough, and families in conflict would be well
advised to consider the family as a unit.
"One person might go into victim mode while others try to help, creating a cycle of helplessness. Instead, those in
positions of respect should lead by example instead of skirting the issue. If somebody else is the problem, instead of
demanding they change, why not consider changing your behaviour? Reconciliation comes from acknowledging our role in the
dispute—it's not necessarily accepting blame. It's about considering the whole dynamic."
Keller says those in a family rift or estrangement situation might try to lean into the emotions they're trying to
escape, such as fear or lack of control. "Our personal feelings can often hinder our ability to find solutions. We can
better navigate our challenges by acknowledging and addressing these feelings."
Seeking help is another crucial step. "Speak to those who have faced similar challenges," Keller says. "Experts may not
have climbed the same mountains we have, but those who have experienced similar can offer valuable guidance."
Keller says mending family rifts starts with looking at your own behaviour and actions before you can help others.
"Playing the victim is a defensive behaviour. By embracing every emotion and seeking support, families can unlock their
full potential and lead more fulfilling lives."
ABOUT
One of New Zealand’s leading brand strategists, wife and mother, Simone, had everything going for her, but things
weren’t as perfect as they seemed. Hard work, tension and the pressures of relationships with the people closest to her,
Simone knew something had to change before it was too late.
Using the techniques, thinking and experience she applied to creating world-class brands, Simone embarked on a journey
of research, soul searching and personal transformation. Out of that journey emerged the Genius You system for rapid personal development.
These days Simone lives a life enriched with strong, healthy relationships while she builds her own company dedicated to
helping others be brilliant— work she loves. Simone has spent the last nine years working with hundreds of people,
changing lives, transforming relationships, and steadily honing the Genius You programme into a ‘superpower’ system that lets people take control of their lives now and into the future.