Children in Aotearoa are showing anxiety about Russia’s invasion into Ukraine says Barnardos What’s Up Team Lead, Lesley Butler. The phone counselling service has received a spate of calls from anxious children worried about what the war will mean to them, their family and friends.

With Russia’s invasion of Ukraine now into its second week Barnardos have released some tips to help parents and caregivers talk about the war to children and young people to help relieve their anxiety.

With 24 hour new cycles and access to social media, children often can become concerned about world events, especially considering the gravity of the situation in Ukraine says Butler.

“We’ve had children calling scared because they believe there will be World War III,” says Butler.

Below are our top tips on how to manage a difficult conversation about the war in the Ukraine with your children:

1. Be welcoming and open: Be interested in your children’s concerns. Try and be patient and sensitive to their worries. Try and gently drill down what their specific worry is about. For instance they may be worried their own family and friends will be hurt by the war. Depending on their age they will find it hard to understand the ramifications of war on their own personal lives, so it’s important you treat their concerns seriously and with sensitivity.
2. Reassure them: Remind them that this isn’t their problem to solve and reassure them that adults are working hard all over the world to fix this. If they want to help, show them practical ways to do this. They could fundraise, write a letter to a local decision maker or create drawings, calling for peace. This can help children feel less helpless.
3. Be consistent: Discussions around worries and feelings don’t always have to be big or intense “talks”. Check in with their feelings as a regular part of your relationship so they feel comfortable talking about their worries. Talk about how worries are a normal part of life and help them identify what helps to make them feel safe.
4. Tailor the conversation to the child: Older children will need more details to be satisfied while younger children may be satisfied by understanding that sometimes countries fight. Be informed, keep calm and answer questions honestly. Begin with simple information as too much detail may overwhelm them and cause anxiety.
5. Take a breath: Sometimes children’s concerns can sound outlandish to adults ears and while it might be tempting to just dismiss them, take a deep breath. It might be tempting to ban them from accessing social media, remove their phone or reduce television time, and while this comes from a place of wanting to protect them, it can be seen as a punishment for opening up and talking through their concerns. This can lead a child to shut down and not engage on topics which they think will upset you or which will result in you “punishing” them. Instead work on distracting them and engaging them in other activities which take the focus away from what is bothering them.
6. Reach out to others: Children thrive when they are in a supportive community. If you think your child is becoming too anxious about news events, talk to your child’s teacher and ask how they are addressing news events in the classroom. Talk to your friends and get ideas around what has worked with easing the minds of their children and build some community around this so children have reassurance from a number of people important to them in their lives.

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