SOLO Press Release
Believing the Media Causes Brain Damage!
By Lindsay Perigo
The relentless campaign by Nanny State and her media lickspittles to ban every enjoyable activity and make every boring
one compulsory proceeded apace today with the media's breathless reportage to the effect that a thimbleful of alcohol
constitutes "binge drinking" which damages our brains, says SOLO Principal Lindsay Perigo.
Perigo, an unabashed champion of Shiraz who says the only people with a drinking problem are those who don't, cites the
following story delivered on TV3 in a tone of near-panic:
According to international experts, one in five kiwis are at risk of brain damage because of binge drinking. Australian
alcohol treatment experts warn that if people continue drinking like they currently do, New Zealand will face a
multi-billion dollar hangover within 20 years. They say 750,000 New Zealanders are at risk of alcohol-related brain
damage, with young drinkers particularly vulnerable because their brains are still developing.
"First," chides Perigo, "note the grammatical ignorance displayed here: one in five is, not are. People might continue
drinking as they currently do, not like. This illiteracy bespeaks brain damage of the kind typically associated with
lack of alcohol, not an excess. Second, young drinkers' brains are not destroyed by alcohol, but by TV3, TVNZ, rap
'music' and the state education system. Even a previously reputable newsreader like Alistair Wilkinson has taken to
finishing sentences on an upward inflection, in the manner of Air New Zealand's dopiest flight attendants. If Kiwis are
indeed binge-drinking, one can understand why, in the face of such ubiquitous, systemic cerebral deficiency.
"Coinciding with this latest instance of killjoy PC puritanism running amok, Nanny Clark is threatening to ban fireworks
next year if we don't 'behave ourselves.'
"Helen, TV3 and their ilk should get lives and senses of humour," says Perigo. "Substituting Shiraz for their wheat
grass tea would be a good starting point. Reminding themselves of Oscar Wilde's immortal adage, 'Work is the curse of
the drinking classes' would be another."
SOLO SOLOPassion.com