Media release – August 24, 2005
World expert lifts lid on adoption fallacies
World renowned expert Nancy Verrier today lifted the lid on adoption fallacies and perceptions on the eve of the
national adoption conference in Christchurch.
There were many misconceptions in society about adoption, Verrier said today.
``One is that adopted people should feel grateful for having been adopted. A little baby would never choose to be
separated from his own mother.
``An incorrect perception is adopted children will grow up to be like their adoptive parents. Their talents, aptitudes
and interests are more genetic than environmental, although many adoptees choose careers that they think their adoptive
parents will approve of.
``Another wrong idea is that the younger you adopt, the easier it is for the child. No one needs their mother more than
at the beginning of life when they are still psychologically connected to her.’’
Verrier will be the key speaker at the national adoption conference in Christchurch August 27 to 29. Verrier, an
adoptive mother, has counselled and lectured around the world about adoption.
She will talk to adopted people, birth parents, adoptive parents, midwives, social workers, counsellors, obstetricians
and GPs.
Verrier said from Lafayette in California today that birth mothers who had given their babies did not just “get on with
their lives” as they were promised. Most thought about their lost child often and with great yearning.
In closed adoptions, these mothers don’t even know if their child is alive. There is a great deal of guilt-induced
secondary infertility among birth mothers.
``Most people who have been adopted feel abandoned. They have a hair trigger for rejection because of this. There is
also the need to be in control, difficulties with trust and intimacy, as well as identity.
``Also separation trauma has the same consequences and manifestations as other traumas: terror, disconnection, and
captivity; and hyper-vigilance, intrusion, repetition compulsion, dissociation, and a constant sense of fight or
flight.’’
When these things happen early, it sets up a pattern in the neurological system, which get triggered. These early
experiences create a series of negative beliefs about themselves and others, and the safety of the world.
She said it was very difficult for those not adopted to understand all the complexities of relinquishment and adoption.
``Separating babies and their mothers is an unnatural process that leaves a void in both mother and child, and should be
done only when absolutely necessary. People need to understand that adoption is a complex process and has lifelong
ramifications.
``Birth mothers feel excitement, happiness, fear, and relief in seeking a reunion. The most traumatic moments might be
fearing that s/he won’t be able to find his or her child, or that the child will be so angry that they won’t want to
meet.’’
The conference is being run by the Canterbury Adoption Awareness and Education Trust. Its chairwoman Julia Cantrell said
today that New Zealand had led the way in opening adoption records since 1985.
She said two million New Zealanders were affected by adoption. More than 103,000 NZ babies were adopted between 1940 and
1990.
``Each adoption initially involves five people: the adopted person, birth mother and father, adoptive mother and father.
However, when we add siblings, grandparents, partners and children, more than two million New Zealanders have a direct
link to adoption.’’
ENDS