THE NEW WRITE
Official Newsletter of the New Zealand Young Nationals
24th July 2002
“Helen Clark secretly likes me. She likes real men.”
-Winston Peters
1. A FINAL WORD FROM THE PREZ
2. ELECTION NOW WIDE OPEN – SOWRY
3. CANTERBURY STUDENTS TAKE TO THE STREETS
4. NO CRAP IS TAKING NO CRAP
5. HOT GOSS FROM PARLIAMENT
6. TOP TEN PROMISES LABOUR SHOULD MAKE
7. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
1. A FINAL WORD FROM THE PREZ – GRANT TYRRELL, NZ YOUNG NATIONALS CHAIR
This Saturday New Zealanders get to choose their future. On election day the side-shows over Paintings and Corn will be
forgotten and New Zealanders will look at the real issues that are affecting them and their children. They will also
remember that National has consistently talked about the issues right throughout this campaign.
Bill English has offered solutions for the education crisis, for the health-debt crisis and has committed to more Police
and longer sentences for violent offenders. National will ensure that there is one standard of citizenship for all by
settling historic grievances and will provide the conditions that allow economic growth. Only a National-led government
can deliver for all New Zealanders, and only National has a positive, workable, vision for New Zealand.
In these last few days we must keep hammering the message home. I thank you all for your hard work and look forward to a
positive result on Saturday night.
2. ELECTION NOW WIDE OPEN – SOWRY
The latest political polls show that this Saturday’s election is now wide open with a definite shift to the
centre-right, says National’s Deputy Leader Roger Sowry.
"Helen Clark’s decision to go for a snap election so she could govern alone has backfired with Labour support now
falling to its lowest level in three years and continuing to drop.
"National has done a good job of making the teacher's strike and law and order key issues and this is what is starting
to hurt Labour.
"The swing to the centre-right has dropped Labour’s vote 15 points in a few weeks, leaving the election wide open.
"New Zealanders will vote on the issues that are important to them - law and order, education and Treaty settlements -
issues that Labour has no plan to address," Mr Sowry said.
3. CANTERBURY STUDENTS TAKE TO THE STREETS
Canterbury University Students took to the streets last Friday to demonstrate against mounting student debt.
"I joined over 2000 of my fellow students marching through Christchurch protesting over the massive increase in student
debt," National's Youth Vice President Grant Tyrrell said.
"Students are feeling betrayed by this government. Labour promised to attack student debt but instead debt has exploded.
It is now running at over $5 billion - an increase of over $2 billion dollars in less than three years.
"Students are rightfully sceptical about Labour promises this election and were outraged that neither Helen Clark or
Steve Maharey could be bothered turning up.
"Bill English by contrast fronted up and National's You Stay We Pay scheme was well received. Under a National-led
government graduates will get 10% of their student loans written off for the first five years that they work in New
Zealand. This will be a tangible saving of thousands of dollars and years of repayment time for most students.
"National is the only party fronting up to students - on July 27 a vote for National is a vote for a better future,"
Grant Tyrrell concluded.
4. NO CRAP IS TAKING NO CRAP
The controversial youth political website www.nocrap.org.nz has received it’s second complaint to the Electoral
Commission, with claims the site encourages violence and features inappropriate language and content.*
“The complainants are taking themselves far too seriously,” says spokesperson Jamie Simpson. “Anyone with a sense of
humour can appreciate this site. We have no intentions of removing any of the offending content.
“The site is all about making politics less boring and serious, and more interesting for young people.
“The internet is one of the most effective ways to reach people and get our message across. So far the site has been a
huge success, with over a hundred thousand hits and overwhelmingly positive feedback.”
*Sent: Wednesday, 10 July 2002 19:11
To: info@elections.govt.nz
Subject: National Party "No Crap" site
To whom it may concern
I would like to lay a complaint over the National Party's youth website "No Crap." In particular I would like to know
whether the following content is acceptable for an official political website:
-Jokes about Bill Clinton and oral sex
-A sexually suggestive picture of MP George Hawkins
-Use of profanities, including the F and S words
-A link to a "picture of a man with a huge cock"
I do not believe this kind of garbage should be allowed to be published in the buildup to a general election.
Yours sincerely
xxxx
5. HOT GOSS FROM PARLIAMENT
*Police Minister Georgie Hawkins is in hot water for parking his Crown car in a disabled carpark in Hamilton last week,
while some poor disabled person drove round and round looking for a park.
Georgie got a roasting on talkback radio, with the host demanding he call in to apologise. He never did. Although one
caller suggested that after reading Georgie's column and listening to him for the past 2.5 years we should actually let
him have the carpark.
*Flying low - ACT’s Hutt South candidate Chris Milne stood up in front of a crowd of schoolgirls at Sacred Heart College
the other day, obviously not noticing that his fly was wide open. The girls were not impressed. “That was sort of
off-putting,” said one. “You couldn’t really concentrate on what he was saying.”
*What a spoilsport - PM Helen Clark refused to take part in Mikey Havoc’s general knowledge quiz, as part of their
election special last week. The Leaders were asked 20 questions each, but Helen refused, because she hadn’t seen the
questions in advance.
“If I wanted to do a quiz, I would join a quiz club. Huh, huh!” she harumphed. Yeah, nice one.
In contrast, Bill English took part and romped home as the clear winner (if you kept the score). He was the only leader
who knew what Shihad’s new name is - Pacifier, of course.
*Feathers flew in Auckland central last week as Labour MP Judith Tizard's secretary attacked a local butcher over the
Pansy Wong poster displayed in his shop. Tizard's secretary walked into Provencal Meats - directly across the road from
the Labour candidate's office- demanding that the poster be removed and replaced with a poster of Tizard.
The butcher was quick to reply, saying he had never seen Tizard in his shop. Pansy, however, was a regular visitor. He
then told the irate woman that he could put up any posters he liked.
With that, Tizard's secretary threw the chicken she had purchased at the shop owner, and stormed out of the shop
yelling, "You can stick the chicken up your arse…I'm never coming back into your shop!" Charming.
*ACT accidentally mailed out their campaign bulletin to all and sundry this week – unfortunately there was nothing too
juicy on it, just their plans to target talkback radio during the last week of the campaign to try and lead discussions.
*The banned ‘Helengrad’ website is back on line. As featured in the New Write previously, the satirical site pokes fun
at Helen Clark and her tyrannical tendencies. However it seems Her Majesty was not amused, and goons from the Labour
Party pressured Domainz, the group responsible for domain names, into removing the site. Their lame excuse was that
incorrect contact details were given, but this is unheard of in New Zealand before.
The anonymous author has had the last laugh though. After hiring a lawyer and gaining media coverage last week the new
site had over 20,000 hits in one day. You can check it out at www.thekumara.com
*Who says the Employment Relations Act benefits the Labour Party? A press release from the Engineering, Printing and
Manufacturing Union reveals what really happens at paid stop-work meetings (paid for by the employer, of course).
500 Tokoroa mill and forestry workers held a ‘meet the candidates’ meeting – a ‘meet the Labour candidates’ meeting,
that is. Five Labour candidates and MPs addressed the meeting and at the end there was a “spontaneous” decision to
endorse two ticks for Labour.
*Poor old Jimbo is getting a hard time on the Wigram campaign trail from his young Alliance opponent, 23 year old Sean
Gourley and “Crackers”, the Alliance chicken. Jim Anderton introduced the chicken during the 1998 Taranaki-King Country
by-election, but now the chicken (and worm) has turned against him. A furious Jimbo has had to put up with the chicken
ambushing him throughout the campaign.
When Crackers was asked why her allegiances had not stayed with Mr Anderton she replied, “Mr Anderton’s actions over the
last 6 months have given chickens everywhere a bad name. And it’s up to me to help bring integrity back to politics.”
Check out the pictures at www.scoop.co.nz
6. TOP TEN CAMPAIGN PROMISES LABOUR SHOULD MAKE
1. Promise to make ACC spend millions more on fancy TV ads telling us to use a bath mat and tidy up the lounge.
2. Promise to make Helen Clark apologise to everyone who stays home to look after kids after she told Linda Clark to
leave her newborn twins and "get back to work soon or your brains will go to mush."
3. Promise to make Michael Cullen give the same speeches to Labour party audiences that he gives to business audiences.
4. Promise to ban John Tamihere and Willie Jackson from both wearing their black rollneck jumpers at the same meeting
because the old people think they are gang members.
5. Promise not to take credit for the next two Lord of the Rings films, but to take responsibility for teachers strikes
and health cuts.
6. Promise to keep the "fat jockey" nickname for Cullen to put him back in his place.
7. Promise to never let the public be traumatised again by seeing another photograph of Marian Hobbs in a swimsuit.
8. Promise to start a rumour that teenage girls in Dunedin South are stealing David Benson-Pope's billboards.
9. Promise to pass a law that makes 'Spin Doctors' appear to be funny.
10. Promise to make an election ad that features any Labour MP apart from Helen Clark.
Be brave and pass it on!
St Molesworth
www.geocities.com/stmolesworth
7. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
http://www.nocrap.org.nz/gonzo.htm
The mysterious Gonzo has been building a cult following with his daily cartoons from the cartoon trail. Here you can
find an archive of all his (or her?) work, including some that have never been seen before. This feature is updated
daily.
Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.
Contributions, feedback, articles and subscriptions welcome. Email newwrite@national.org.nz
Editor: Phil Rennie
VOTE NATIONAL ON SATURDAY!