INDEPENDENT NEWS

Father Saint Begorra O'Flattery's Lament

Published: Tue 14 Nov 2000 09:50 AM
SM Nuns Die From Trauma At Overwhelming Display Of Lustful Lycra!!!
"It is with profound regret that I must announce the Mass death of the entire membership of the Corrective Party of New Zealand." said a tearful Father Saint Begorra O'Flattery today.
"Oh, it was horrifying! The sisters were waddling toward the Corrective Party conference centre at Maryknees in Southland today, like a row of immaculate penguins, they were. And lo and behold, around the corner come a horde of sinful cyclists clad in shameful clinging lycra, which revealed in detail that which should not be seen!!!"
"In one moment, God saw fit to take these fine self- promoting SM nuns from us en Mass, as they all succumbed to simultaneous cardiac infarcations. Oh, the humanity!!! Who will uphold the rights of the poor little unconceived, bottom-spanking believers, and critics of immoral leisure wear now? Or warn of evil conspiracies to impose unisex toilets upon us? Or conspiracies involving five or more genders?"
"All constipated and committed Christians should mourn this moment" said the father, as the people in white took him away.

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