Kiwi Herald: 'Red Bums Good' Says MP
Political Satire from the Kiwi Herald
Standing outside parliament under a banner announcing "Red bum good, blue bum bad," National MP Chester Burrows today
attempted to explain his amendment to the "anti-smacking bill'' saying that he wanted to outlaw bad smacking while
encouraging the kind of smacking that was 'part of the great kiwi tradition; the stinging red bum delivered with love'.
"Like thousands of New Zealanders I look back with fond memories of a hot bottom. It was always transitory and
trifling, usually after a Sunday roast when Mum had poured more sherry into herself than into the trifle itself and us
kids were keeping her from her nap. She would give our bare bums a good paddling, all the time weeping and saying how
much she loved us. Far from being the cruel and degrading treatment that Sue Bradford is on about it brought us closer
together. These days if I get a touch of sunburn or a sting from a wasp I'm immediately awash in a flood of loving
memories of family life."
Using a colour chart Mr Burrows went on to explain the varieties of redness that were acceptable under his amendment
saying that "where the redness is from blood, Mum has probably gone too far and no sherry has made it into the trifle."
The MP, whose amendment is expected to pass said that where the child was blue or black or even dead from smacking
prosecution was often in order.