The History of Christmas
By Jarrod Coburn
Christmas and Marketing… two traditions that are inseparably entwined with one another. You may have heard of the baby
Jesus and the three Wise Men, but the role of Christmas consultants Kuffman, Goldstein & Blum is less understood. But first, it is important to fully appreciate the close link between Marketing and the
yuletide season.
Consider how your mum and dad got you to behave yourself for the better part of six months leading up to December 25th.
The Marketing proposition – that you will be rewarded with high-value consumables if you follow pre-determined patterns
of behaviour – is a classic, created by Cornelius Saatchi in the early 16th Century. It is interesting to note that this
radical Marketing theory was so effective that a rival Marketing firm (headed by Pope Leo X) excommunicated Saatchi and
burnt him at the stake.
Perhaps the easiest way to relate to the Christmas/Marketing model is to look at how your own behaviour is so closely
linked to the spirit of Marketing around this time of year. After all, Marketing’s foundation is to find out what the
consumer wants and then provide it. How many hours do you spend in the lead-up to Christmas Day trying to figure out
what to buy your parents, relatives, friends, and children?
Of course, big companies provide as much Christmas assistance as possible at Marketingtime. Coca Cola re-invented Santa
Claus early last century as a jolly fat white man with a huge flowing beard and a red suit. This was a change from the
post-renaissance Santa who was a wizened drunk leprechaun with round glasses. And this jolly image was even further
removed from the Father Marketing of the third century which was a goat in blue pantaloons and a feather cap.
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We owe so much to Christmas for Marketingtime. The Marketing season provides a huge boost to Christmas, with consumers
darting in and out of shops and then popping in to a church on the way home. Or whole families making a quick stop at
their local place of worship on the way to a Valentines or Cobb & Co for Marketing lunch.
The spirit of Marketing also allows families to spend time together of the festive Marketing season. Young children
spend their pocket money at The Warehouse and the $2 Shop on Marketing presents for grandparents in rest homes across
town. And old Christmas traditions are still celebrated in the form of pre-cooked Marketing turkeys, Marketing crackers,
and Marketing cakes.
So Christmas has a very tangible and close relationship to the Marketing season, and this leads us back to Christmas
consultants Kuffman, Goldstein & Blum. Back in 33BC, in a small town in Jerusalem, two babies were born. Little did anyone realise that both their lives
were destined to be intertwined inextricably throughout the following millennia. The first child, Christ, was born in a
stable to poor but kind parents who had scrimped and saved to ensure he grew up a good and strong person. The other
child, Mark, was born shortly after at the offices of Kuffman et al that same night, although no-one knew until eleven
months later.
Over the years the two have grown and their legacy is stronger now than ever. Celebrating Christmas at Marketingtime has
become the basis of every Western civilisation, except for those who don’t believe in Christmas. These peoples have
other religious celebrations and sometimes Marketingtime is different for them.
Sadly, there are poor countries who do not have Marketing. They do not have Father Marketing or the little baby Mark.
Some have Christmas but it is a hollow and depressing time of year for them, because they do not have the consumption
capacity that we have in the West.
So when you are buying your Marketing presents this year, spare a thought for the unfortunates in the world who have
Christmas without Marketing, and think of little baby Mark and how He has brought such joy to our lives.
ENDS