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Top 10 Repercussions Of The All Blacks Defeat

Published: Fri 21 Nov 2003 12:27 AM
Top 10 repercussions of the All Blacks' World Cup defeat
1. In a remarkable coincidence all state-owned media misplace all footage of Jim Anderton smugly telling the country in 1999 that we've never won the world cup with a centre right government but we'll win the next one with a centre left one.
2. Apologists claim the muted reaction to the result shows we've "matured as a nation", but in fact we're just more used to losing.
3. Following their total lack of aggression, the All Blacks are adopted as poster boys for NZ's now disarmed "peacekeeping" military forces.
4. NZRFU to take credit for botching the RWC co-hosting rights thereby sparing the nation the embarrassment of losing at home.
5. New Zealand will be in the final but only if you count the Canterbury jerseys worn by the Aussies.
6. Jonah Lomu makes a comeback and is easily able to get around Leon MacDonald on the paddock - even with his dialysis unit attached.
7. New Zealand becomes the newest Australian state, knowing it is the only way they will ever win the Rugby World Cup again.
8. Recognising the electoral risks posed by the woeful All Black performance, Helen Clark takes over the All Black coaching job from 'Mitch' and adopts a similar sounding nickname.
9. The Commerce Commission approves the Wallabies' purchase of a 25% share in the All Blacks on public interest grounds, recognising it is the only way of securing 'substantial and long term benefits for New Zealand rugby'.
10. John Mitchell takes up a new job as spokesman for Maori Affairs Minister Parekura Horomia.
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St Molesworth
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