EDITORS NOTE: Scoop has commenced publication of satirical articles from the Babylon Express newspaper. Those easily
offended and not often amused should avoid this content. See authors note at the end of this article for more
information about the Babylon Express.
Awatere Walls Drip Blood
The interisland ferry Awatere experienced yet another unexplainable happening yesterday when thick, rancid blood began dripping from the walls in the
forward passenger lounge during an afternoon sailing.
"It began as just a trickle at the wallboard joints" said passenger Harigan Bossonova, 24. "Then it got heavier and
started to come up out of the floor join as well. Next thing, there's blood literally pumping out of the walls."
"It was horrific" reported Mary Throat, 71. "And the stench, my God - It was rancid!"
The latest incident is comes after a series of similarly bizzare occurrences aboard the Awatere. After a series of
random total power shutdowns and a falling lifeboat, the Awatere has had both of it's propellers drop off (twice), been
struck by lightening repeatedly, floated into harbour embedded inside a gigantic block of ice, and, most
controversially, disappeared off radar screens for three weeks after allegedly being comandeered by Satan, the demon
king, before being found beached along the Yauca river in Peru with no sign of the passengers or crew.
Interisland officials were quick to play down the latest incident, despite increasing pressure from maritime
authorities to remove the ferry from service so that a total overhaul and exorcism can be carried out.
"It's true we've had teething problems" said company spokeshuman Roger Knuckle, "However, we feel it would be
irresponsible, at this busy stage of the year, to inconvenience so many people who have booked in advance by the
withdrawl of what is a highly modern seagoing vessel with state of the art safety features. For instance, when the
entire bridgecrew were found found spiked to the floor with ancient whaling harpoons through their heads, the ship's
auto-navigational facilities came into immediate effect allowing the vessel to dock safely. It was, admittedly, a port
in Madagascar, and some of the passengers had begun eating the others, but those that hadn't been eaten were quite
- The Babylon Express is a satirical newspaper published randomly in Wellington. Copies are so far only available in
local shops whose proprietors haven't got sticks up their arses. Those interested in acquiring previous or upcoming
copies should contact the editor at firstname.lastname@example.org
. Contributions and suggestions are always very welcome. Cheers.