NZ To Be Disbanded: PM Claims "Nobody's Using It Anyway"
AUCKLAND, Tuesday: Following the successful disbanding of the armed forces the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Helen
Clark, has unveiled a new bold plan to total disband the entire nation. In a statement to the worlds press Prime
Minister Clarke unveiled her "Great step nowhere" plan. Launching the plan Clark suggested that reports that their armed
forces had been forced to say "bang, bang" during war exercises had been the final nail in the coffin for the
once-almost-proud nation.
"For years now we've been doing nothing of value. All our really profitable industries have gone overseas. Music, kiwi
fruit, Russell Crowe. After that it's basically just a bunch of sheep and a once proud rugby team. Even the Cricketers
are poor by world standards," Clark said.
Clark went on to outline the timetable for disbanding the nation following the sale of the Navy's two dinghies and after
the Army gives its shotgun back to the British.
In a sometimes emotional presentation Ms Clark outlined the difficulties facing the former country. "Every nation has
it's problems but, as the leader, you can always look at some other loser nation and say "They're worse off than us". We
finally realised that we could no longer do that."
The final nail in the coffin came last Monday when the New Zealand treasury tabled a report that found that Adam
Gilchrist's new contract with the Australian Cricket Board had him earning more than the entire New Zealand GDP.
"When that hit us we realised that the ship of state was pretty much Gunwale deep in sediment and it was time to turn
off the bilge pumps and move to a real country," a treasury spokesman said.
All industry and businesses are expected to have left the Islands by the end of June and all Government responsibilities
will cease at the first of July. Any farmers wishing to remain will do so on a purely subsistence basis with the
possibility of a feudal system developing by the end of September. The All Blacks will maintain a training facility near
Otago until the end of August after which time New Zealand in all it's forms and pursuits will cease to exist.
When asked how the loss of the entire nation of New Zealand will affect the region a World Bank spokesman called for an
atlas.