INDEPENDENT NEWS

Howard’s End: Santa Considering Moving To Godzone

Published: Thu 28 Dec 2000 04:15 PM
John Howard’s occasional column is now available as a free My Scoop email service. .Click HERE - http://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/myscoop/ to subscribe.
See also the
JOHN HOWARD Column Archive...
In a shock announcement, a source close to Santa Claus has revealed because of global warming at his traditional North Pole home in the Arctic, Santa is considering an alternative magic kingdom in New Zealand. John Howard writes.
Sources at the North Pole, who spoke on condition of remaining anonymous, say that following his recent world tour, where he saw vast amounts of pollution, Santa now wants to establish a second magic headquarters possibly on the western side in the Southern Alps in New Zealand's South Island.
"Our Arctic home, more than anywhere else, is showing the strains of global warming and Santa Claus is now deeply concerned with the effects it is having on all the creatures who live in and around the North Pole," the source said
" For the first time in human history melting ice this year, made it impossible to walk across the Arctic and even a ship crossed over last summer."
"The thickness of Arctic ice has decreased by 40 percent in the last thirty years with 14 percent of its volume lost since 1979," he said.
"The polar bears and other creatures are showing signs of accumulating toxins in their bodies and the ice-melt is also threatening their feeding patterns.
Because of global warming, Santa Claus has been keeping an eye out for other suitable alternatives in which he might establish a second magic headquarters.
Lower numbers of people and less pollution in the southern hemisphere, meant the South Pole in the Antarctic was said to be his preferred option
"But that fared no better," the source said.
Holiday-makers in Rio de Janiero were surprised a couple of months ago when penguins from the South Pole appeared on the beaches after following cold currents carrying their food.
"It's really a crisis for Santa Claus and all of us who live at the North Pole. We just had to find another suitable alternative for Santa's magic kingdom," he said.
Like Santa Claus himself his reindeer, so beloved in the images of Christmas, need a quiet, unpolluted place to rest and feed during the rest of the year.
"Santa has looked around the world for unpolluted places for us to live. His eye now seems to be firmly on the Southern Alps in New Zealand which he thinks would be an ideal place to establish another magic headquarters while there is a global warming crisis," the source concluded.

Next in Comment

Boris Johnson At Sea: Coronavirus Confusion In The UK
By: Binoy Kampmark
Foreign Correspondent: Rightwing Populism Will Make You Sick—Really
By: Reese Erlich
Dunne Speaks: Early Voting Is OK, If You Know Who To Vote For
By: Peter Dunne
Biodiversity: Where The World Is Making Progress – And Where It’s Not
By: The Conversation
On The Recession, And On Trump’s Current Chances Of Re-election
By: Gordon Campbell
Rogue Poll Or Not, All The Signs Point To A Tectonic Shift In New Zealand Politics
By: The Conversation
The Coronavirus Republic: Three Million Infections And Rising
By: Binoy Kampmark
Altars Of Hypocrisy: George Floyd, Protest And Black Face
By: Binoy Kampmark
View as: DESKTOP | MOBILE © Scoop Media