MEDIA ADVISORY
Alf's Imperial Army To Battle Can-Teen
Alf's Imperial Army's 16th Wellington Wegiment has declared war on Can-Teen, the organisation dedicated to assisting
young people with cancer.
The Declaration of War (DOW) reads as follows:
Alf's Imperial Army
DECLARATION of WAR
It has come to the attention of Alf's Imperial Army military intelligence that the organization known as CanTeen
professes the values of:
quote having an attitude of life is for living; living for the moment; being spontaneous; not taking ourselves too
seriously; being fun-loving, unquote.
Alf's Imperial Army holds that these values can only lead to disaster particularly for youth, the very age targeted by
CanTeen. These youth must realise that their sole purpose in life is to become cogs in the industrial machine and that
trendy 21st century fads such as "spontaneity" and "lack of seriousness" and "being fun-loving" are merely a cover for
aimlessness and lack of purpose. It is only after being properly bought up with strict moral instruction and sound
Victorian virtue that the youth of today will survive the ever-growing chaos of modern society.
Furthermore, Alf's Imperial Army are shocked and dismayed to discover that CanTeen is run by and for its members, the
majority of whom are not in fact legally adults. The very idea of any organization run by minors who simply don't have
any adults --who know what is best for them-- to give them strict guidance, is extremely unVictorian and unBritish and
dare we say, even subversive. Every adult who had ever waited for the freedom of turning 21 and being able to run their
own lives must firmly resist CanTeen giving this kind of freedom to minors.
Therefore, we have no choice but to declare that a state of war now exists between between CanTeen and Alf's Imperial
Army.
We will see you all, adults and minors alike, on the battlefield of honour at Central Park Wellington Sunday 27th
January in the year of our Lord 2008.
God Save the Queen! Wizard save the Empire!
* What: Alfs Imperial Army VS CanTeen
* When: 2pm, 27 January 2007
* Where: Central Park, Brooklyn Rd, Wellington
For further details contact
Penny Jones
Member Support Manager
CanTeen Central Division
wellington@canteen.org.nz
ENDS